I know this topic on tuition is going to have 2 camps on it. Hence I need to put a disclaimer that this is not a post to say having tuition is a bad thing but what I feel how a child’s precious life should be. If needed, I may send my kids to tuition, but, it must meet some consideration criteria before I will do that. I will address my take on this later.
My eldest, Missy 10 is in P4 and No. 2, Master 8 in P2 and No. 3, Master 3 going to pre-school soon. From birth till now, all 3 of them have not had any enrichment classes and I hope to keep it this way for as long as it is possible.
There are many parents who send their children for tuition or enrichment classes at a tender age. There is no right or wrong. These parents usually want their children to have a head start in life and be high achievers in their adult life. It may be for the reason of learning things ahead of other peers. It may be due to some children need tuition for extra academic assistance or just want to be ahead in the syllabus than others. And it could be due to the reason that some parents do not want to leave to chance and cannot imagine failure to happen to their children.
For me, I feel that a child’s life, which I am defining here as the category of zero to 16 age of life, is too precious to spend too many waking hours on academic stuff. Formal education can last for about 16 years from P1 to University. Some spent 20 years of their life in academic. Our Missy 10 spends about 6 academic hours in school + 2 hours of extra academic classes which totals to 8 hours on studying, and I have not added the time she spends on homework and assessment. If a child goes for tuition after school, that would mean spending another 2 more hours, not inclusive of the school homework and tuition homework that a child will need to do when he / she gets home. Oh, and the travelling time. Nowadays academic pressure is everywhere and our poor children are subjected to all these stresses at a tender age. They should be enjoying their rightful childhood, doing simple things like play. I wonder how these children will look back in life with not much memories of being a child except going for tuition and studying.
5 reasons that I am putting off tuition for as long as possible.
1. Over-reliance on tuition assistance instead of trying to do one’s best by himself
I strongly believe that when a child has tuition, he relies much on the “study” part to the tuition teacher. I remember reading a book when I was young about a student who was lazy and imagined that there was a Math box that could be installed in his brain that would store all Math theories in his head so that he understood Math without studying for it. And that goes on for other subjects too. If a child constantly has tuition and has known tuition all his childhood life, then he may be over-reliant on external help to learn a topic which he otherwise should have paid more attention in class and figured out on his own. When he does not pay attention in class or understands a topic, he will tend not to ask in class because he has a tuition to fall back on. Or, he may have learnt topics in advance taught in tuition and be bored during curriculum lessons, henceforth switches off in class.
Recently, I attended a talk by Wei Jian Hui (Senior advisor to Appreciation Education). He told us that it is important for a baby to be delivered naturally. If this baby is able to come out through the birth canal on his own naturally, there is a satisfaction of victory as he did it by himself. I find this philosophy very interesting to use to describe that kids should be left to study and learn on their own. Sadly, parents these days do too much for their kids to the extent of risking the loss of their kids’ innate abilities. Like what Wei laoshi said in his words, parents these days DO TOO MUCH, CARE TO MUCH AND HELP TOO MUCH (做太多，管太多，帮太多)!
2. We cannot afford the hefty tuition fees
How much is a tuition class nowadays?
I remember when I was in my University days, I taught part time one-to-one tuition to primary school and secondary school children. As a new tuition teacher, my fees were $25 for 2 hours, making $200 for 8 times tuition in a month. When I was a little more experienced, my fees for Secondary school students were $25 for 1 hour. I am not exactly sure how much are the fees nowadays. But a google search for Learning Lab, a group class tuition costs about $60 per session which totals up to $240 per month. Multiply that by 4 subjects, parents have to pay for about $1000 for one child. If you have 3 children like me, then, it will be between $2000 to $3000 each month depending on whether your children enrol for all subjects. If you are rich, then these costs mean nothing, but for me, this is too much to bear. I will try to teach my children if they need help or draft a home study plan with them. I always tell my elder 2 kids, if they study well on their own without tuition help, we can save loads of money in a year and save up for a family holiday or for expenses to bring them out for play. At the end of the year, I usually award them with a gift that costs less than $20 or $30 if they show their efforts. No specific marks. Just purely show that they have done their best.
3. I want to spend more time with my children, so no tuition please…
How much time do I have with each of my child when I reach home from work and during weekends?
With such precious and limited time, do I really want to let tuition take away my children from me?
We enjoy family bonding time together during weekends. We love to go out to have fun. I dread examination preparation period which means we usually have to spend a couple of hours on Sat and Sun to go through academic matters with each child. I much prefer to play board games, run in the park, laze around, anything but studying together. I am still a laid back mum despite what we went through the failure of Math last year. Life is too precious and short to be spent studying, studying and studying.
4. Creativity is the future trend and academic-focus is outdated.
With great technology and invention evolving in this century, the future may not need so many academic achievers anymore. The story on the Math box installation in the brain may just be the thing in future. Who needs to study anymore? Let’s just leave the geniuses to do the job while the rest focus on being creative and to use our brains for advancing on more relevant future markets.
We may not need so many phds and 1st class honours which I am sure will be over abundant very soon. So maybe we need not be so academic focus afterall. Let’s just go back to the basics and let our kids learn naturally and let them gain survival skills on their own. With too much hand holding, they will never learn much and grow up as independent beings. I want my kids to not rely on external help but learn what is taught in school by themselves. They will have only one laid back mum as standby resource.
5. I can accept less than Aces results and failures.
If you remember my post on “A Laidback mum’s price on academic“, I was disappointed at my Missy 10’s failure in Math. But now I am going to tell you that I am happy that she failed before. The most important thing is experiencing the disappointment, her expectations of what she wants for herself moving forward, and how she does to make it happen.
Come to think of it, I had failed before in small tests. It is no big deal and certainly better than one who has never encounter failure and might not come to terms with the defeat.
I am certainly not one who demand my children to consistently ace their exams. Why should they be expected to answer all exam questions correctly and flawlessly? An average result to me is good enough as long as they show that they have done their best. Most importantly, they should not be studying to meet MY EXPECTATIONS. They should be studying FOR THEMSELVES.
Having said all these, I feel that tuition is a means to help a child catch up with academic should he/she really has difficulty understanding what is taught in class and falls back consistently in class. It should be seen as a walking stick than roller blades for acceleration to advance what should be taught at the right age. I will send my children to tuition under 2 circumstances:
1. Their basics are really too poor despite their efforts in learning and I am unable to help much.
2. Relationship between my kids and I got worse after I teach them. That can happen easily as teaching your own kids is never easy with much tantrums to be tolerated.
All these about paper chase can be non-relevant when our children grow up. For one thing I am very sure, I will give my children ample time for play for as long as school homework allows. That means I am willing to accept failures from them and less than aces results. My children should have their rightful childhood.
There is so much to life. We only realize that when we become adults. But it applies to children too. They should be given their rightful childhood and play when they are supposed to be playing. Academics is not everything of a child’s life.
A good blog! I also try not to give my children go tuition unless I myself cannot teach them. Nowadays the academics are advanced than our school times. So it is not easy for our children.
Kelly, I would rather teach myself too. Save time on transport and save money. I am trying to be more off hands in teaching them and have started to ask them to draft out their own study plans. Hope it works 🙂
My 2 children have only one month of tuition and we decide to stop after listening to their plead and accepted their promise that they will do their best in school. Their best is good enough for us, both red and black and also I saw the stress friends placed on their children with some unrecoverable result. Both did well and graduated from the university with the younger(double degree) now working on his PhD. Both grew at a different pace. My elder daughter excel from secondary 2 onward thru uni whereas the boy much later. We were very reluctant to send him to study in uni oversea in view of his past result, but he promised that he will excel. Excel he did, from the first year onward he is always in the Dean’s list and among the top 3%. For a child to excel, he just need plenty of love, understanding, wise guidance and trust. Cheers
Wow!! Hear hear! Thanks for sharing your living example of tuition-less! I am inspired! Indeed a child needs lots of understanding and encouragement, trust and love. Very wise words! I will remember that 🙂
Wise words Christy!
I have just recently been thinking about this, well maybe not quite academic tuition as our kids start school later but support in their English. As their father is the main source of English and he is every second week away, every time he came back they had to get used to using English again. Also, with no grandparents around the corner, sometimes life is a puzzle… And then I was recommended a young woman who lives around the corner, does babysitting but also teaches English at daycares. I thought maybe I could hire her to pick the kids up from daycare once a week a bit earlier, on “my” weeks they have long days, and also support their English. And maybe later help them read and write in English. But she always has classes in the afternoon and suggested she’d come in the evening instead. I instantly felt like noooo; we leave at 7.15am and come home mostly at about 5pm. Kids go to bed 7.30-8pm so on a night when they are not very tired I get 3 hours in which we cook and eat too. I don’t want to give up on those hours! Also, how much are they going to learn at that time after spending a long day (in our terms long 🙂 ) among a large number of kids and noise and already having worked on their various themes and skills at daycare? Also, I don’t want the weekends to be all booked. We settle to try a few times that she comes once a week in the morning instead, when i go to work, supports their English by introducing various games and playing with them, and then takes our kids to daycare. Let’s see, I’m hoping this could be fun for them too…
I love reading how it goes for you! You are a fun mum and I totally understand how you treasure those precious few hours after work and on weekends. I am sure languages do need help especially when it is not a home spoken one. And how fun it must be to learn through games and play. Definitely better than rote learning and boring worksheets. I am sure it will work out fine for you 🙂
Hope my kids look back at their childhood and can think of fun too, thanks for the compliment 🙂
Well said! My sentiments too. Agree 100% with the practical savings we actually have if i look at it this way! To me i thought it is just being down to earth. In the first place, there’s no need to spend…. hahah… will share yr post. : )
Thanks Angie! Imagine the 10 over grands savings we have if we need no tuition. But seriously it is really the stress that hurts in the long run if tuition is not so necessary and yet the kids still have to go for them. It is all about the kiasu mentality for some.
And thanks for sharing the post 🙂
Pretty brave for you to have such conviction and to pen it down. While AJ doesnt go for tuition classes for the academic subjects, we do send him for piano & soon, public speaking. I agree with you lifeskills are far more impt.
Thanks Jenn! My kids have only piano lessons. Wow! Public speaking sounds good. I agree if we have that but of time and money to spend on classes, let it be non-academic ones 🙂
I’m with you, kids need time to be kids and to enjoy their childhood, and I’m worn out after a 9 hour work day, and I hate when I have to work longer than that, why would we put our kids through it? You are working with them at home, you are letting them grow and learn more organically, and that will stick with them in the long run!
You really hit the nail! We dread over time at work and why we never thought of over time in academic. I like how you put it: learn organically haha… so very true!
It’s a pleasure to read ur blog! Such an inspiration n assurance that a working mum can do it! I’ve a pair of preschoolers turning 4 next year n I’m getting concerned what I need to do prepare them for primary school. I guess I will be able to pick up alot of gd tips as I follow ur posts. 🙂
Hi Mummy of Twins!
I am happy to receive such feedback from readers who bother to tell me about it! 🙂
Starting primary school is always an exciting milestone. What’s more you have twins! Everything doubles!
You probably will want to get some of the classmates’ mummies hp numbers to stay in contact in whatsapp group chat. One of the mummies initiated this in my son’s class, and all the mums stayed so close together that we have playdates often!
Academic wise, I hope you enjoyed what I had shared in preparation for primary schools and my laidback mum experience and learnings 🙂
I am sure you will enjoy your kids’ learning process!
It is a pleasure to see and read your blog.
I am a full time Maths tutor and have been this field for more than 15 years. I see how my tutees suffer of having tons of homework (school homework, tuition homework’s, parents homework etc) till they no time to have their rest time. Very sad hor!
Therefore, when I have my elder girl who is now 9 years old (P3). I told myself that I will never let them to go through these. However, sad that my elder girl (P3) has both language tuition and younger girl (P1) has English tuition as I am not so good at languages. Haha! But this year, my elder told me that she hopes that she has no tuition as she has no time for herself.
So, I had told myself that I will remove all their tuitions one day and learn together with them so that I can guide them along till as long as I can. Haha!
Hope that I can do that.
Hi Angela,
I am glad you enjoyed reading my blog!
Your girl is lucky to have you to ask on Math! I am sure you can teach her well, don’t worry about that. In fact, I think it is better for mums to teach their own kids as they will get to bond together and learn together too. Your girl is probably confident enough on both languages to give up tuition. Trust her ability and encourage her to read widely. This helps languages greatly.
Jia you! It is heartening to hear from parents who do not stress their kids with too much academic learning! Life is so much more than just good grades! 🙂
Your blog is helpful and I really agree with what you have written and I should provide your blog to my mother-in-law. I have been quite a laid back mum who believe that kid should be kids and should enjoy their childhood. But my mother-in-law insisted I send my kids for many enrichment classes which she did for her children. I have never been to any enrichment classes when young due to family budget issues but I feel I am more independent.
Hi Jessie,
Thanks for reading my blog and happy to know that we have the same belief! Since kids are our responsibility, we will raise them according to our own beliefs. We are lucky to have supportive parents and family who believe the same with us. Many of my friends have asked and advised for tuition when my Missy isn’t doing so well, but I insisted on NO TUITION route for PSLE and we are very happy that it works out for us. It helps a great deal when I do not have expectations on marks. As long as our target is happy childhood, that will guide us well down the raising kids route 🙂
Your kids will do fine as long as you have the best intention 🙂
Cheers,
Christy