I have always known that self-care is very important. But such is the way of life: the more you think you know it, the more you put it at the back of your mind. You find yourself running on empty fuel, and still stepping on the accelerator, bite your lips and continue on. Before you know it, parts break down, with the risk of running into accidents. As mothers, It’s a natural instinct that we put our children and family first and ourselves last. Even thinking about some possible me-time, we feel guilty. We have no time to sleep nor go to the toilet, all our waking moments, we think about our children, so what me-time are you talking about?
I borrowed a great book from the library recently, it is “
How to be a happy mum” by Siobhan Freegard. One of the chapters is “What About Me?” Reading it tunes in so adeptly with me. In fact, I should have seen all the warning signs coming:
Anxious
Edgy
Snappy
Tired
Exhausted
Stressed
Unfulfilled
Discontent
Resentful
You could be finding the above mentioned emotions rise up from within, and you push them away and continue to engage in more activities to get on top of things. You could be feeling that there’s no end to what goes on, snap at your children and feel guilty, at the end of it all, feel more tired and resentful. If this is what is happening right now, please hit the “STOP” button in you and seriously acknowledge that your plate is totally full and spilling out. You have to start putting yourself in FIRST priority. Just like in an airplane, adults should put on their oxygen mask before putting on for their children, we have to take care of our well-being before we can take good care of our children.
One of the quotes from the book:
“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you stop loving your children, or that you are a bad wife or mother. In fact, it will make you an even better one.”
Once your own well-being is being taken good care of, you will have more energy, more laughter and more joy to share with your children. Once you value yourself, your daughter will learn that one day when she becomes a mum, she will role-model after you and be better equipped to look after herself and her future family. Your son will have greater respect for and realistic expectations of his future partner. So, taking good care of yourself has its valuable effect on your kids!
How shall we start with having some me-time, now that we have forgotten how to think for ourselves? Think of what you do will make you breathe easier and have some calmness within you. Below are what I do for myself:
1. Exercise
One early morning after my baby’s feed, and he went back to sleep, I decided I shall not busy myself with house chores yet again on this particular lovely morning. House chores will never finish no matter how much time I invest in it. But feeling good is definitely worth investing time in. Hence, I put on my jogging gear and without pausing for a moment for fear I will back out again, I close the door behind me and jog all the way to the park. I love to exercise as I know it will clear my mind, and have me sort out my thoughts while I sweat it out. I just didn’t find the time for it! True enough, the morning ionized air energized me greatly and I felt the world is full of hope and everything to me seems beautiful. For the entire day, I did not feel as tired and the morning workout was enough to see me through the day without much snapping.
2. Reading in peace
I find solace in reading. I love to read magazines and a good book. Nowadays, I only have time for parenting books. It empowers me with knowledge and parenting tips that I find myself forgetting now and then. Perhaps, reading parenting books still have to do with well, parenting, it takes away some guilt while I indulge in this little me-time. Reading can only take place before the kids wake up or after they fall asleep.
3. Go out with friends
I look forward to all outings with my best friend. Sadly, we only manage to make time for this only twice a year. It’s something I need to work out with her so that both of us feel great with this me-time. An afternoon chat over a good meal and shopping revitalizes women magically. Even though we talk about kids too, we always take away good tips from each other and even solving each other’s problems. Most importantly, I need some good friends’ interaction other than just interacting with my kids.
4. Go out with your hubby
I look forward to this too as a revitalizing date with my hubby, kel. I can’t stress more about the importance of going on regular dates with your partner. Having a great relationship has a positive multiplier effect on the family. Kids strive in loving family environment and all the good behaviour, good grades, healthy kids come from families with parents who love each other very much.
5. Pamper yourself with a spa or going to the hairdresser
Going to the spa or to the hairdresser sounds such a luxury and to busy mums, a time-waster. I find doing my hair or simply having a hair cut, is so difficult to squeeze any time for, and not to mention going to a 2 hour spa. Kel has encouraged me to go for such luxury simply because he feels I need them and would feel good after that. With his encouragement, I would try to plan some time to go for it. Actually this is like a bi-monthly thing, or even a quarterly thing. So I really shouldn’t feel guilty spending that 2 or 3 hours once every few months.
6. Spend 10 min a day doing something you like
10 minutes sounds simple and achievable. However, it can easily be put off till mid-morning, till afternoon, and before you know, your energy level is left with 1% and you just want to hit the sack. Just like what you would draft out your kids’ time-table, put it in a time-slot that you know you have the least disruption. And make sure you stick to it just like you want your kids to stick to their time-table. You can use these 10 minutes to catch up on the day’s news, a chapter of a novel, to blog 2 paragraphs of an up-coming post, to buff your nails, put on a mask, drink a cup of good coffee, or a glass of wine while thinking of nothing, etc, etc… Start now, and remember, it’s just 10 minutes of the 24x60min in a day, which equates to just 0.7% of a day!
The challenge comes in doing all these regularly so that it is part of your home schedule. For me, it will be challenging to make time for myself during my work days. So, this will not be just a weekend thing, but an on-going time-table that I have to adhere to.
Wish me luck, I’ll be updating again on whether I can do what I preached!
You may like to read one of my earlier post that I almost forgot about: “Why it is important to be YOURSELF in front of your kids“.
Re-reading it allows me to re-look at the important things that I have forgotten after I have my 3rd baby, and thus, pushes me to indulge in me-time now.
Do you have me-time? How do you find time for me-time? Share with me!
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10 minutes a day? You can’t do shit in 10 minutes. Most things take 10 minutes just to set up.
Yes agree, at least it’s a designated 10 min just for you yourself to do something you like. Most busy parents may not even realize a day has passed without any real indulgent moment for themselves.
When my younger one was just a baby and my older one was just over a year, I felt days where super intensive and I never had time to do anything properly. Then I read somewhere, that if you have time to be 15 minutes with your kid, one-on-one, and without interruptions, it will feel that you have seen it. I don’t know what scientific basis that had but it helped me have some focus, to stop a bit instead of rushing to the next thing to take care of. I also felt I knew how they are. And after a while I started to think that I need to do that for me too (my baby boy hardly slept during the days for more than 20min in one go, so there where hardly any breaks), focus. I decided, that when big sis is a sleep and baby falls asleep, the first thing I do is to sit down, have a cuppa and read, instead of cleaning or cooking. A bit later I started to do some pilates exercises (mainly because my neck and back were sore from breastfeeding while playing 😉 ), only 10min or so a day and you know what? I felt heaps more content! So in my opinion 10 minutes is a start and in some situations in life it is all you have, but it can make a difference. Now when our kids are bigger, I do enjoy though having more time e.g. in the evenings when kids are in bed. We also nowadays have this deal with my husband that we both get one free night a week to do whatever we want when the other one is taking care of the kids..
Hi, what great advice you have there!! Thanks for sharing your way of having me-time and giving special time to your children! I always find it super hard to give special time to my kids even though I know it is one of the best thing I should give them. Even before my 3rd baby was out, I struggle with time management too. I am happy that somewhere out there there is someone like you who has successfully implement special time. You are right, 15 min is a good start and it truly sounds achievable. And yes, I am guilty of going back to house chores whenever my kids sleep, leaving me exhausted without a mid-day recharge. I should seriously change this.