Do our kids really need tuition? If you ask me, I would say maybe out of 10 kids, at least 5 may not need it at all. And then we have the other 5 who may really need it due to perhaps, a disengaging school teacher who kills all the passion in the subject, the child’s slow learning pace, lack of motivation and more reasons. So for the 5 who may not need, what is the compelling reason to take extra classes at all? Are our school teachers so incapable of teaching a child such that he or she does not understand the subject well? Is it that we want our kids to be able to answer every single question, problem sum, leaving practically nothing to be wrong? Or is it because everyone is doing so, and if my child is not, he will lose out?
When our first child was born, certainly the thought that we have to set aside funds for extra tuition classes never ever crossed our minds! However, we did secretly hope that we need not spend money for extra lessons. We wished that our children can perform well in school. We know how tuition classes are like from friends and media. And we do not want our children to spend their after school or weekend hours to sit in a class again to understand the same topics. Maybe it is just that we are selfish, we do not wish to ferry them back and forth classes. We certainly would be happy if we can save the money and time on tuition and better allocate them to playgrounds, building sandcastles, picnics, nature or even one or two expensive toys. If you have followed my PSLE series post, you would have known that Missy belonged to the average student and now that she has completed primary school days, my verdict is that I am glad I did not send her for tuition.
Many have asked me how we can go the No Tuition route. The answer is really very simple. Lower our expectations of our children. If you really want me to say the true answer, then it will be:
Have NO Expectations of our child
But how many people can do that? Don’t we all wish for our children to be top 3 in class? For some, getting our children to be top students may be fulfilling what we could not achieve when we were students ourselves. Maybe the real question to ask ourselves is: Why do we want our children to be top students? Can we accept Bs and Cs and why not?
With the pursuit of academic excellence, there are bound to have some opportunity costs. I think these are heavy costs.
Doing well by own efforts
We take away the chance to do well academically by our children’s own efforts. By enrolling tuition from as young as kinder or lower primary, we have never given our children a chance to prove to themselves that they can do it without additional help.
You are no good
We are telling our children that your results are no good, and that is why we are sending you for extra help so that you can improve. If your child is good enough, it is good enough, why do we want them to get the extra marks or even pursue for perfect score, not tolerating even one or two marks loss? What is life all about? Being perfect and always on the top 1% no matter where you go?
Nothing else matters except Ace
Our message to our children is: Academic comes first and anything non-academic or non-competitive do not matter. Is this the right message that we want the children to receive? Childhood life is just that: Ace Ace and more Ace?
No chance to fail
We deprive the children of a chance to fail. They grow up in a world of excellence and In their dictionary, it is missing the words “FAILURE” and “RESILIENT“. We should worry for the day when we no longer can help them achieve excellence and should they fall down, they cannot stand up on their own.
As parents, we all want the best for our child. Apart from basic morals and values, I find that having no expectations on our child is perhaps the best present that we can give them. When we do not expect anything, we allow the child to develop on their own, take charge of their own learning, take responsibility for consequences. By not expecting anything, does not mean that we are totally hands-free and let the child swim on his own. In fact, we can give help, guidance, and if really beneficial, send the child to tuition because the child needs it and not because WE want it. We can give moral support, and all kinds of help but let’s not expect anything in return. Our job is to do what we can to arm the child with the right tools so that he can walk on his own, grow on his own, not dictating which path he must take.
I am all for parents who send their children for tuition because they see the need to do so to help the child. But I wish that this post can remind parents whose children who are already doing well academically, that there are many other things in life that matter more. Some children mature slower, and a less than average results may not determine the child’s future. Some mature in Secondary School or later part in life. Children who are already doing well, let them have the time to play. Children who are doing average, it may just be a time issue. When the time is right, they will do well eventually. It may not be doing well academically, but it may be other non-academic talents that we should nurture instead of focusing on what they are no good in. What for focus on something that you are no good in and struggle to better it in unhappiness than to focus on something that you are good in and better it in happiness?
There is no intention of stating what is right and wrong in the decision for tuition in this post. As parents, we are the best persons to determine if our child needs that extra help in academic. However, before we sign up for that expensive tuition class, we may want to revisit the opportunity costs that I mention above and if this is really necessary or we are just afraid that our kids will fail our expectations.
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This post is the first post of the No Tuition series that I am starting to work on. I will be sharing how we go about our journey on No Tuition and the revisions that we did at home to help our child in the next few posts. My objective is really to hope more parents will focus on a happy childhood instead of feeding the billion dollar tuition industry.
Very interesting topic. My P3 boy has 2x a week tuition for Chinese because I think he needs it (and I really can’t guide/teach him at home). After one term, I can see he is improving and able to understand his lessons in school better now so I think it is money well-spent (though really very expensive). For the other subjects, I just leave him be because he is doing alright and just try to revise with him on weekends and before tests/exams. If I were more hardcore, I would probably sign him up for English Creative Writing classes. It’s really hard striking a balance between allowing them to manage themselves and pushing them to do well.
I agree totally! Language is hard to improve on our own if exposure to the language is little. If the child needs it, certainly extra classes will be beneficial and like you said, money well-spent! I think you know your child well enough to selectively choose which needs more help. Indeed it is not easy to decide when to involve and when to let go. I guess we can take the cue from our child to make this decision, assessing their character, external factors like school environment and learning methods, etc.
Thanks for leaving your thoughts here. You brought up what many parents have in mind. This is a very controversial topic. There is no right or wrong. All parents want their best for their children but we have to be careful not to lose some important things in life when we are too focused on academic due to the competitive education in Singapore.
I definitely need some advice here. My boys are definitely average scorers as in they can pass but nothing more than 65.
So when my eldest Son got his score for psle, he’s not eligible for express. He has been attending tuition and it made me feel that the money has all gone down to the drain. Now my p4 is scoring much lower than his Brother and I’m so worried. I have no patience to teach him on my own and he has tuition for all subjects. I did think of stopping all tuitions and he might be able to cope? Perhaps tuition give him stress? But I’m afraid the grades will deteriorate further without tuition. Really at a loss.
Hi Ak,
Thanks for leaving your comment here. While I am no expert in academic advice, but I hope I can prompt some thoughts here that may help you to some extent.
I feel that tuition may not work for everybody. Some students are motivated if the tuition teachers are engaging and passionate. Some may feel that it is just an extension of school and of course extension of homework load. If it stresses the kid more in terms of energy to attend more hours of academic revision and straining the brain, it can do more harm than good.
Going on the Normal stream in Sec sch is not such a bad thing. It can be that the pace in Normal stream may suit an average student right now and we have heard many cases of late bloomers doing well in life later on. I think for me, accepting my child as he/she is and accepting his pace of learning is my best guide to helping him on his academic. Because of this, I decided to teach my girl myself. I think that I am her best teacher since I know her weakness, her mood swings, and I have the patience to motivate her. An external teacher may not be as patient or as passionate about my girl’s progress since the teacher has so many other students to take care.
Perhaps you can talk to your child and hear his views on how helpful each tuition is for him. His answers may be your guiding light. If he decided to be off tuition, then it will be good to let him know that he is responsible to take charge of his own learning, to understand all mistakes, a study plan, and let him know that you are with him and together in this learning journey to improve.
Kudos to you! My girl is P5 this year and there are just so many components to cope!!
My challenges are figuring out OE for sci and English- those vocab cloze and OE compre… so many different books and past year papers with different answers… sometimes(most times ) my girl will argue that her answers are correct- do you face this?
Hi Joanne,
Yes! There are many components to master one by one. One tutor told me that the assessment book answers are more reliable because they are vetted through by an editor team as compared to past yr paper answers by undergraduates paid to provide answers. So, if in doubt, it will be good to check with your girl’s school teachers. Also, I find the most reliable answers are from school worksheets. So it is important to study mistakes and model answers given by subject teachers. This is especially so for Science which OEQs are difficult to answer.
My boy is in P5 this year too. I am getting him to study his worksheets for all subjects. Jia you! Hope you and your girl will cope well with PSLE syllabus for these 2 years 😉