My son broke his 2 front teeth

My son, YH broke his 2 front teeth last weekend.  He was playing catching with his cousins and sister, with his dad keeping a watch on his…ipad.. and raising his head every now and then.  Suddenly, cries of pain were heard and blood stained YH’s mouth and soon both his palms were bloody too.  It happened that YH charged through the bush like a little bull to catch his cousins, and somehow tripped over and knocked his 2 front teeth.  One of the teeth bent inwards, while the other was extremely shaky.  His lips were bruised and poor boy, it was definitely a rub on the wound that he had a couple of ulcers in the mouth prior to this incident and was already facing much difficulty eating.  Poor boy!  When he was back to his cousin’s house, he was sobbing so uncontrollably, I didn’t even think this sobbing belonged to my son.  I was with the baby all the while and missed the entire episode.

Kel was good in coaxing YH to wash his blood-stained mouth, but not before a long hour had passed.  When he had stopped his hysteria and finally fell asleep out of exhaustion, we took a peep at his half-open mouth to assess the damage.  Well, there was only one thing to do, that is, to bring him to my friend who is a dentist and have her extract out his 2 upper central incisors.

The 2 "knocked out" teeth

The next day, my dentist friend slotted us into her busy appointment schedule.  YH was a brave boy.  While sitting on the dentist chair, he never flinch for once, and to consider this was his first dental experience!  (I guess I won’t have to be so worried about taking him to the dentist in the future anymore!) After the extraction, however, he refused to bite on the cotton gauze which was meant to stop the bleeding, for fear it would be painful even though we all knew the most painful part was over.  It was only then he cried on his dad’s lap.  My heart went out to him.

YH having his teeth extracted

The lucky thing is that the permanent teeth seemed to have a long way to go before they’ll be out.  Hence, there is less chance of misalignment of the new teeth due to the knock impact.

Well, perhaps no one knows, but it is me who seem to be the most affected by this whole incident of YH losing his 2 front incisors.  In fact, I must have had that worried look on my face because YH saw through me with my heartache.

Me: YH… you.. look so cute with that hole in your mouth. (I managed a smile)

YH: Mummy, I know what you are thinking about.  You must be thinking I am so pitiful.

I lunged forward and hugged him tightly, with tears in my eyes.

Though, I take comfort in knowing he is lucky to be losing only his milk teeth, I still feel that to lose his teeth unnaturally is like having some part of him amputated.  I wish to turn back the clock.  I wish I had not let him go and play with his cousins.  I wish I had been there and things might turn out differently had I paid attention to how he played. But we all know kids being kids, will fall and hurt, and we can’t be by their side all the time nor prevent accidents from happening even with our eyes glued to them every second.  And I know it must be a Mummy’s thing to feel heartache and Daddy’s thing to feel resilience in YH.  He shrugged and remarked that YH will now have a courageous story to be retold again and again.

Flashing the hole in the mouth

Yh is by nature a cheerful boy.  We all know he has low threshold of pain, but we also learnt that he is a brave boy.  The moment the cotton gauze was taken out of his mouth after 45 minutes, he was all smiles and running all over again with his sister.  And, we treated him to his favourite Mac Donald’s ice-cream.

A little me-time for myself

I have always known that self-care is very important.  But such is the way of life: the more you think you know it, the more you put it at the back of your mind.  You find yourself running on empty fuel,  and still stepping on the accelerator, bite your lips and continue on.  Before you know it, parts break down, with the risk of running into accidents.  As mothers, It’s a natural instinct that we put our children and family first and ourselves last.  Even thinking about some possible me-time, we feel guilty.  We have no time to sleep nor go to the toilet, all our waking moments, we think about our children, so what me-time are you talking about?

How to be a happy mum

I borrowed a great book from the library recently, it is “How to be a happy mum” by Siobhan Freegard.  One of the chapters is “What About Me?”  Reading it tunes in so adeptly with me.  In fact, I should have seen all the warning signs coming:

 

Anxious
Edgy
Snappy
Tired
Exhausted
Stressed
Unfulfilled
Discontent
Resentful

 

You could be finding the above mentioned emotions rise up from within, and you push them away and continue to engage in more activities to get on top of things.  You could be feeling that there’s no end to what goes on, snap at your children and feel guilty, at the end of it all, feel more tired and resentful.  If this is what is happening right now, please hit the “STOP” button in you and seriously acknowledge that your plate is totally full and spilling out.  You have to start putting yourself in FIRST priority.  Just like in an airplane, adults should put on their oxygen mask before putting on for their children, we have to take care of our well-being before we can take good care of our children. 

 

One of the quotes from the book:
“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you stop loving your children, or that you are a bad wife or mother.  In fact, it will make you an even better one.”

 

Once your own well-being is being taken good care of, you will have more energy, more laughter and more joy to share with your children.  Once you value yourself, your daughter will learn that one day when she becomes a mum, she will role-model after you and be better equipped to look after herself and her future family.  Your son will have greater respect for and realistic expectations of his future partner.  So, taking good care of yourself has its valuable effect on your kids!

 

How shall we start with having some me-time, now that we have forgotten how to think for ourselves?  Think of what you do will make you breathe easier and have some calmness within you.  Below are what I do for myself:
1. Exercise
One early morning after my baby’s feed, and he went back to sleep, I decided I shall not busy myself with house chores yet again on this particular lovely morning.  House chores will never finish no matter how much time I invest in it.  But feeling good is definitely worth investing time in.  Hence, I put on my jogging gear and without pausing for a moment for fear I will back out again, I close the door behind me and jog all the way to the park.  I love to exercise as I know it will clear my mind, and have me sort out my thoughts while I sweat it out.  I just didn’t find the time for it! True enough, the morning ionized air energized me greatly and I felt the world is full of hope and everything to me seems beautiful.  For the entire day, I did not feel as tired and the morning workout was enough to see me through the day without much snapping.
2. Reading in peace
I find solace in reading.  I love to read magazines and a good book.  Nowadays, I only have time for parenting books.  It empowers me with knowledge and parenting tips that I find myself forgetting now and then.  Perhaps, reading parenting books still have to do with well, parenting, it takes away some guilt while I indulge in this little me-time.  Reading can only take place before the kids wake up or after they fall asleep.
3. Go out with friends
I look forward to all outings with my best friend.  Sadly, we only manage to make time for this only twice a year.  It’s something I need to work out with her so that both of us feel great with this me-time.  An afternoon chat over a good meal and shopping revitalizes women magically.  Even though we talk about kids too, we always take away good tips from each other and even solving each other’s problems.  Most importantly, I need some good friends’ interaction other than just interacting with my kids.
4. Go out with your hubby
I look forward to this too as a revitalizing date with my hubby, kel.  I can’t stress more about the importance of going on regular dates with your partner.  Having a great relationship has a positive multiplier effect on the family.  Kids strive in loving family environment and all the good behaviour, good grades, healthy kids come from families with parents who love each other very much.
5. Pamper yourself with a spa or going to the hairdresser
Going to the spa or to the hairdresser sounds such a luxury and to busy mums, a time-waster.  I find doing my hair or simply having a hair cut, is so difficult to squeeze any time for, and not to mention going to a 2 hour spa.  Kel has encouraged me to go for such luxury simply because he feels I need them and would feel good after that.  With his encouragement, I would try to plan some time to go for it.  Actually this is like a bi-monthly thing, or even a quarterly thing.  So I really shouldn’t feel guilty spending that 2 or 3 hours once every few months.
6. Spend 10 min a day doing something you like
10 minutes sounds simple and achievable.  However, it can easily be put off till mid-morning, till afternoon, and before you know, your energy level is left with 1% and you just want to hit the sack.  Just like what you would draft out your kids’ time-table, put it in a time-slot that you know you have the least disruption.  And make sure you stick to it just like you want your kids to stick to their time-table.  You can use these 10 minutes to catch up on the day’s news, a chapter of a novel, to blog 2 paragraphs of an up-coming post, to buff your nails, put on a mask, drink a cup of good coffee, or a glass of wine while thinking of nothing, etc, etc… Start now, and remember, it’s just 10 minutes of the 24x60min in a day, which equates to just 0.7% of a day!

 

The challenge comes in doing all these regularly so that it is part of your home schedule.  For me, it  will be challenging to make time for myself during my work days. So, this will not be just a weekend thing, but an on-going time-table that I have to adhere to.

Wish me luck, I’ll be updating again on whether I can do what I preached!

You may like to read one of my earlier post that I almost forgot about: “Why it is important to be YOURSELF in front of your kids“.

Re-reading it allows me to re-look at the important things that I have forgotten after I have my 3rd baby, and thus, pushes me to indulge in me-time now.

 

Do you have me-time? How do you find time for me-time?  Share with me!

My baby is 8! (month old I mean)

Baby YT is 8 month old! I would like to jot down his baby milestones before my scatterbrain forgets.

YT at 8mth
My baby’s 8th month milestone

When he was 7 mth, he had 7 teeth, 4 up and 3 down. He can clap his hands happily and non-stop with his new found achievement. Because he’s such a clever baby, XX uses this as a good reason for him to be rewarded with stacking blocks toy that I bought for him (which wasn’t really to reward him but simply I want to buy a new toy for him).

He is learning to crawl. But as his head is rather heavy, he falls to one side and moves an inch forward, and falls to the other side and moves another inch forward.  That’s how he reaches his objects ahead.

He is trying to use his stomach muscles to help him sit up, and is still trying hard.  I am sure in no time, he will master this skill.

He is eating rice cereal and baby biscuits already.  Even though he has 7 teeth, I have not given him other foods as I am still not confident he can handle more solids other than biscuits.

He is a healthy 9.16 kg right now.  His weight seems to be my pride.  Even though my breastmilk supply has halved, I am still persistent in feeding till the very last drop my breasts are willing to produce.  It’s tiring and slightly demoralizing, but I shall persevere.

He is getting better at sleeping at night.  Even though he still wakes up once or twice every night, he is able to fall asleep again without being pacified with breastmilk.  Hence, I still wake up every time he wakes up and I am still sleep deprived.  Other babies his age can sleep from 7am to 7pm.  I have to accept my baby’s biological clock and be patient.

His sister and brother are his daily entertainers.  They love to play with him, and surprisingly very patient with him.  Such is the sibling love that I admire and appreciate.  Just hope he doesn’t turn out to be a small tyrant when he is older.

My life at this moment

me and the kids

I am currently on a 3 weeks break from work.  As I am quite tired out by the day demands of work and back to home with lots of house chores to do and demands of child-rearing, add in some serious sleep deprivation, I am a little off-balance right now.  My stress levels had made my health deteriorate and the doctor suggests that I take a good rest and meanwhile work out some adjustments in the family.

I am not sure what kind of adjustments to be done.  However, I had employed a part-time cleaner once a week to help tidy up the house for the health sake of my children as well as making me feel better that I am stepping on cleaner floors and breathing in less dusty air.

Taking a break like that somewhat saddens me as it seems that I am not capable of handling my household, child-rearing and my life.  Being a perfectionist, this may be understandable, yet I still feel I fail at some point.  Maybe the first thing I should do, is to change my mindset.  It’s easier said than done.  I need to relax and find my balance back for the sake of my health and my family.  I cannot afford to collapse.  My kids need me, my family needs me, I need to be healthy.

For these 3 weeks, I will rest as much as possible.  That includes replenishing my long deprived sleep, doing minimal house chores and learning to do nothing.  I will spend more time with my baby and kids when they are back from school.  I will take walks with the baby in my neighbourhood.  I will relax and read my books over a cuppa at a cafe.  I will go for spa to pamper myself.  I will write my blogs which I enjoy greatly and in itself a stress reliever.  I will go for a swim or go for a jog to revive my spirit and energy.  I will think positively (Yes, I am still learning and reminding myself to think positively, just like my blog says “Positive thinking – the way to remain sane“).  I will go throng the malls and shop to my heart’s content.

I will… just sit and do nothing…

Have you ever being off balance?

It’s the simple things that count..

At the age of 34, I have 3 kids, a loving hubby, a healthy family, healthy parents and parents-in-law, a cosy home, a stable job, and best friends’ support as and when I need it.  At this point in time, I would like to stop and appreciate my life as much as possible.
 

Having 3 kids

It is my wish since young to have 3 kids with my true love.  I achieved it last year and I can proudly say that this is my greatest achievement in my life at this moment.  All my 3 kids are my heart and soul.  They complete my life.  I love them more than I love myself.

 My dearest 3 kids

A loving hubby

Getting married to your true love is just the beginning.  Learning to live with each other through differences , understanding to the extent that we can read each other’s thoughts and learning to forgive and forget takes many years, in our case, 9 years and still counting.  It takes lots of heated, unheated, big and small arguments, shouts, heartache and tears to know the person who sleeps beside you every night well (I am grateful we still share the same bed and still hold hands while sleeping).  And the most precious of it all, after all these ups and downs, character differences, suspicions on off-track marriage, financial woes and house chores fights, I still think that given a thousand chances to choose again, I will still choose the same husband.

 Kel and me

A healthy family

This is what I pray for every night.  As long as all the 5 of us are healthy and happy, I am contented.  And whatever that may come with parenthood woes and life’s unpredictable rainy days that may shower upon us , I can face them strongly.

 Our family

 

Healthy parents and parents-in-law

My parents and parents-in-law are healthy.  My dad had just survived a major operation in removing prostate cancer.  He is still strong and healthy and I count my blessings to have him back in good health.  I cannot imagine how I would be able to take it if any untoward may happen to any of them.  Hence, I am just as contented to know that at this time of my life, I have healthy parents and parents-in-law and am happy that my kids are fortunate enough to enjoy the love of them all.

 

A cosy home

We sold our 1st house and what a stroke of lady luck to strike upon us, I can’t be happier that we bought our current house which is just next to my parents’ house.  This is almost a dream come true to be able to have my own family and yet still stay so near to my parents.  I have more opportunities to show my filial piety to them and more time to be with them while they are still by my side.  Our house is cosy even though it is at most times messy with toys littered around, and it has minimal cleaning and tidying.  It is our home and it provides warmth to our kids. It is a warm shelter to keep us off uncertainties and keep us safe.  No matter where we go on earth, or even to the moon, we would still want to return to this wonderful place called HOME.

 

A stable job

As much as I would love to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mum), I have little choice but to choose work to supplement the family income.  Even though it is not something I enjoyed doing, I am contented for now that I have much work-life balance and understanding bosses and colleagues.  Most importantly, I still have my own income to indulge in unnecessary but nice-to-have treats for me and for the kids.

 

Best friends’ support

I have 3 great best friends.  All of whom I can count on if I ever need any help.  One of them is my soul confidante.  She is my hanger when I go shopping with her as she helps carry my bag due to my backache, my listening ear, my problem solver, someone whom I call whenever I need a person to talk to so that I do not doze off at work,  someone whom I share my heartache, my innermost secrets and good and bad news with.  I do not think I will ever find anyone like her on earth and she is my BEST FRIEND.

ZY and me

I know there are many people who have much more accomplished lives than mine, so many friends who are much more successful in their careers, lead sedentary lives or high side of lives (just by looking at their facebook photos).  There are others whom I envied as they are comfortably living SAHM lifestyle and enjoying their kids without sacrificing time away at work.  At times, I may feel inadequate and yearn to lead a tai tai lifestyle (tai tai means rich wives) which is stressfree with loads of time to waste away.  But when I look back at myself, my kids and my family, I have so much to be thankful for. 

I think I am contented.

Positive thinking – the way to remain SANE!!

It’s been a month since I returned work. It has been a whirlwind of events and all these have been taking a toll on me physically and mentally.  It is truly a test on my endurance and adjustment period for all in my household.

 

It started with the baby refusing the milk bottle when I was at work and drinking less than 100 ml in the day time.  Everyday I called home to check on the baby, I heard his cries. Because he was not drinking enough in the day, he compensated by waking up 3 times in the night. I don’t mind feeding him but the frequent night feeds affect my well-being and I was worried I may fall sick which will lead to lesser breastmilk production.  We tried different milk bottles and decided to just stick to one so as not to confuse the baby further. We settled on Tommee Tippee with compliments from my sis-in-law.

 

After all attempts, and after one and a half weeks, the baby started drinking 100ml non-stop one day. And kel took the credit for it after some trial and errors with my mum’s stand in to take care of the baby.  A pediatric check up showed the baby gained only 50 grams in a month!  Well, at least it wasn’t negative weight gain!  I have to think positively to feel better.  At least he had started to drink milk.

 

 

Then after the baby caring part had been settled, I was still adjusting to the routine of been back at work, pumping milk in the office, coming home to my kids and busying myself till midnight daily.  I was feeling the fatigue with the night feeds and it did not help that XX started behavioral problems in school (This will have to be in another blog post).  And I truly neglected the middle child YH.  Before I could manage the adjustment and changes, some events happened and I have to take over the cooking on weekdays!!

 

 

My routine looks like this:

Everyday after my kids sleep at 1130pm, I prepare the soup ingredients, even wash vegetables, pack back nicely in plates and boxes and put in the fridge.  I wake up half an hour earlier the next morning before I go to work to cook soup, pump my milk, steam my pumps, eat breakfast, put the clothes in the washing machine, wash up, change clothes and out of the house.  In the evening, I come home, store my pumped milk, steam my pumps, prepare the dinner and cook, set up table, eat dinner, bathe myself, feed the baby, bathe the baby, wash dishes if kel is not at home, supervise piano practice, supervise homework, play with my kids, make the baby sleep, story time with my kids and when they sleep, get up to prepare the ingredients for next day’s dinner.
 

 

Initially I was so stressed up by the new cooking responsibility that I cried, took it out on my children and found that my milk supply seemed to be dwindling!  I had negative thoughts and felt miserable for a while.  Then I decided that I cannot continue self-pity.  I am sure there are people who are in a worse situation than me.  My kids and family need me, the baby needs me, especially my breastmilk, I have to be sane and healthy to run the household!

 

 

I started delegating household chores to kel.  He helped out with the dishes whenever he is home in the evening.  He helped out with mopping the floor (I cannot stand dirty floors, which affect my mood greatly).  I only do the house chores that disturb me if left undone.  For instance, a clean and tidy dining table and a clean sink is MANDATORY. I force myself to do minimal house work during the weekday so that I can spend time with my kids.  I designate Sunday as no housework day whenever possible so as to have a rest myself.  I force myself to think positively. I take pride in my cooking when my kids say they love all the dishes I cook and finish every single rice in the bowl.  I ask my mother-in-law who is taking good care of my baby to feed the baby more frequently in the day time, and within days, the baby wakes up once in the night and I can sleep a little better.

 

 

I stop taking out on the children, and learn to stop whatever I do and look them in the eye whenever they talk to me or want to show me something.  I carry the baby with me when I do minimal housework in the week nights.  I carry the baby with me while supervising piano practice and homework.  I start a time-table with my kids: Monday is a board game night, Tuesday is a play clay night, Wednesday is assessment books night, Thursday is free play night, and Friday is a art and craft night.  I started this so that I do not need to think of what to do every evening with my kids and they can look forward to different activities every day.  And not forgetting, reading to all my 3 kids before sleep.  This is something I choose not to miss if possible.

 

 

Well, I think I have a crazy routine, but so far, with great support from kel (who doesn’t like to do housework) and changing my mindset to think positively, I have so far survived for a month.  I need to go on strong and never did I think that staying healthy and happy is more important than now.  Some of these will be a passing phase and things will get better.  I hope…