Parenting issues Archives - Page 10 of 11

It’s the simple things that count..

At the age of 34, I have 3 kids, a loving hubby, a healthy family, healthy parents and parents-in-law, a cosy home, a stable job, and best friends’ support as and when I need it. At this point in time, I would like to stop and appreciate my life as much as possible.

Having 3 kids

It is my wish since young to have 3 kids with my true love. I achieved it last year and I can proudly say that this is my greatest achievement in my life at this moment. All my 3 kids are my heart and soul. They complete my life. I love them more than I love myself.

A loving hubby

Getting married to your true love is just the beginning. Learning to live with each other through differences , understanding to the extent that we can read each other’s thoughts and learning to forgive and forget takes many years, in our case, 9 years and still counting. It takes lots of heated, unheated, big and small arguments, shouts, heartache and tears to know the person who sleeps beside you every night well (I am grateful we still share the same bed and still hold hands while sleeping). And the most precious of it all, after all these ups and downs, character differences, suspicions on off-track marriage, financial woes and house chores fights, I still think that given a thousand chances to choose again, I will still choose the same husband.

A healthy family

This is what I pray for every night. As long as all the 5 of us are healthy and happy, I am contented. And whatever that may come with parenthood woes and life’s unpredictable rainy days that may shower upon us , I can face them strongly.

Our family

Healthy parents and parents-in-law

My parents and parents-in-law are healthy. My dad had just survived a major operation in removing prostate cancer. He is still strong and healthy and I count my blessings to have him back in good health. I cannot imagine how I would be able to take it if any untoward may happen to any of them. Hence, I am just as contented to know that at this time of my life, I have healthy parents and parents-in-law and am happy that my kids are fortunate enough to enjoy the love of them all.

A cosy home

We sold our 1st house and what a stroke of lady luck to strike upon us, I can’t be happier that we bought our current house which is just next to my parents’ house. This is almost a dream come true to be able to have my own family and yet still stay so near to my parents. I have more opportunities to show my filial piety to them and more time to be with them while they are still by my side. Our house is cosy even though it is at most times messy with toys littered around, and it has minimal cleaning and tidying. It is our home and it provides warmth to our kids. It is a warm shelter to keep us off uncertainties and keep us safe. No matter where we go on earth, or even to the moon, we would still want to return to this wonderful place called HOME.

A stable job

As much as I would love to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mum), I have little choice but to choose work to supplement the family income. Even though it is not something I enjoyed doing, I am contented for now that I have much work-life balance and understanding bosses and colleagues. Most importantly, I still have my own income to indulge in unnecessary but nice-to-have treats for me and for the kids.

Best friends’ support

I have 3 great best friends. All of whom I can count on if I ever need any help. One of them is my soul confidante. She is my hanger when I go shopping with her as she helps carry my bag due to my backache, my listening ear, my problem solver, someone whom I call whenever I need a person to talk to so that I do not doze off at work, someone whom I share my heartache, my innermost secrets and good and bad news with. I do not think I will ever find anyone like her on earth and she is my BEST FRIEND.

ZY and me

I know there are many people who have much more accomplished lives than mine, so many friends who are much more successful in their careers, lead sedentary lives or high side of lives (just by looking at their facebook photos). There are others whom I envied as they are comfortably living SAHM lifestyle and enjoying their kids without sacrificing time away at work. At times, I may feel inadequate and yearn to lead a tai tai lifestyle (tai tai means rich wives) which is stressfree with loads of time to waste away. But when I look back at myself, my kids and my family, I have so much to be thankful for.

I think I am contented.

Positive thinking – the way to remain SANE!!

It’s been a month since I returned work. It has been a whirlwind of events and all these have been taking a toll on me physically and mentally. It is truly a test on my endurance and adjustment period for all in my household.

It started with the baby refusing the milk bottle when I was at work and drinking less than 100 ml in the day time. Everyday I called home to check on the baby, I heard his cries. Because he was not drinking enough in the day, he compensated by waking up 3 times in the night. I don’t mind feeding him but the frequent night feeds affect my well-being and I was worried I may fall sick which will lead to lesser breastmilk production. We tried different milk bottles and decided to just stick to one so as not to confuse the baby further. We settled on Tommee Tippee with compliments from my sis-in-law.

After all attempts, and after one and a half weeks, the baby started drinking 100ml non-stop one day. And kel took the credit for it after some trial and errors with my mum’s stand in to take care of the baby. A pediatric check up showed the baby gained only 50 grams in a month! Well, at least it wasn’t negative weight gain! I have to think positively to feel better. At least he had started to drink milk.

Then after the baby caring part had been settled, I was still adjusting to the routine of been back at work, pumping milk in the office, coming home to my kids and busying myself till midnight daily. I was feeling the fatigue with the night feeds and it did not help that XX started behavioral problems in school (This will have to be in another blog post). And I truly neglected the middle child YH. Before I could manage the adjustment and changes, some events happened and I have to take over the cooking on weekdays!!

My routine looks like this:

Everyday after my kids sleep at 1130pm, I prepare the soup ingredients, even wash vegetables, pack back nicely in plates and boxes and put in the fridge. I wake up half an hour earlier the next morning before I go to work to cook soup, pump my milk, steam my pumps, eat breakfast, put the clothes in the washing machine, wash up, change clothes and out of the house. In the evening, I come home, store my pumped milk, steam my pumps, prepare the dinner and cook, set up table, eat dinner, bathe myself, feed the baby, bathe the baby, wash dishes if kel is not at home, supervise piano practice, supervise homework, play with my kids, make the baby sleep, story time with my kids and when they sleep, get up to prepare the ingredients for next day’s dinner.

Initially I was so stressed up by the new cooking responsibility that I cried, took it out on my children and found that my milk supply seemed to be dwindling! I had negative thoughts and felt miserable for a while. Then I decided that I cannot continue self-pity. I am sure there are people who are in a worse situation than me. My kids and family need me, the baby needs me, especially my breastmilk, I have to be sane and healthy to run the household!

I started delegating household chores to kel. He helped out with the dishes whenever he is home in the evening. He helped out with mopping the floor (I cannot stand dirty floors, which affect my mood greatly). I only do the house chores that disturb me if left undone. For instance, a clean and tidy dining table and a clean sink is MANDATORY. I force myself to do minimal house work during the weekday so that I can spend time with my kids. I designate Sunday as no housework day whenever possible so as to have a rest myself. I force myself to think positively. I take pride in my cooking when my kids say they love all the dishes I cook and finish every single rice in the bowl. I ask my mother-in-law who is taking good care of my baby to feed the baby more frequently in the day time, and within days, the baby wakes up once in the night and I can sleep a little better.

I stop taking out on the children, and learn to stop whatever I do and look them in the eye whenever they talk to me or want to show me something. I carry the baby with me when I do minimal housework in the week nights. I carry the baby with me while supervising piano practice and homework. I start a time-table with my kids: Monday is a board game night, Tuesday is a play clay night, Wednesday is assessment books night, Thursday is free play night, and Friday is a art and craft night. I started this so that I do not need to think of what to do every evening with my kids and they can look forward to different activities every day. And not forgetting, reading to all my 3 kids before sleep. This is something I choose not to miss if possible.

Well, I think I have a crazy routine, but so far, with great support from kel (who doesn’t like to do housework) and changing my mindset to think positively, I have so far survived for a month. I need to go on strong and never did I think that staying healthy and happy is more important than now. Some of these will be a passing phase and things will get better. I hope…

Through the eyes of my little ones

I read somewhere that to look at the good points of a person, try looking for everything that is green in colour around you. You would probably find many things that are green now that you focus only on this colour. Same goes for choosing to look at the fine points of a person. Through the eyes of the little kids, they can only see the fine points in their parents and no one on earth comes close to their Papa and Mummy.

My Mummy is PERFECT, never mind that she can’t drive and can’t sing very well, to me, she is flawless.
My Mummy is BEAUTIFUL, never mind that she digs her nose and is getting fatter.
My Mummy will always hug me no matter how mischievous I am.
I will never hold grudges against my Mummy, no matter how she punishes me for misbehaving.
Even though she is angry with me at times, I still want her to kiss me goodnight. I want her to accompany me to sleep every night.
I love to help my Mummy in whatever she does. “Mummy, what else is there for me to do for you?”
My Mummy knows everything under the sun. I love to ask her questions.
Even though my Mummy is scared of cockroaches, lizards, and all kinds of reptiles, I will protect her no matter what.
My Mummy is my best friend. I love to tell her what happened in school everyday. I love telling her secrets.
I will continue to hug my Mummy and kiss my Mummy even when I grow old.

I love you forever, Mummy…

My Papa is PERFECT, never mind that he can’t play the piano, to me, he is flawless.
My Papa is HANDSOME, never mind that he farts in the room and he is always wearing the same shirt.
I know that my Papa will not be angry with me 5 min after I misbehave.
My Papa is a strong man! He can carry me to sit on his shoulders to watch lion dance for a long time.
My Papa knows everything about animals, pre-historic animals, insects, plants, history, geography, and everything on earth. He is a walking encyclopedia!
My Papa allows me to touch insects and teaches me their body parts.
My Papa is a great cook! He cooks the best maggie mee on earth.
My Papa is never afraid of all kinds of insects and animals. I bet he is not scared of dinosaurs too! He is awesome!
I love my Papa to make sharp turns when he drives and push us at high speed sitting in a trolley inside the supermarket. We love thrills!
Whenever I need a kiss and a hug, my Papa will readily kiss and hug me.

I love you forever, Papa…

and we love you forever too, XX and YH…

Through the eyes of my dear XX and YH, I saw the above love messages about me and Kel.

In their eyes, we are both PERFECT… and

in our eyes, they are both PERFECT…

I want my kids to experience house chores now

My sister-in-law told me that she ironed her clothes when she was only five years old. She was brought up in a family of 5 children.

Hence, every time I iron clothes, I would think of her ironing when she was my daughter’s age. Even though I do not need ironing help from my kids, I would still think if I should expose her to ironing at such a young age. Will she be able to handle the heat, the ironing strokes, the weight of the iron, etc?

However, I know young kids love to help out around the house. And I shall let them handle some simple chores so as to expose them to how things are being cleaned, wiped, mopped, swept, washed, and many others. It will serve as a skill exposure as well as fun learning for them.

So far, I have let them help out in the below chores which I think they are able to handle well:

1) Sweep the floor

They have helped to sweep the floor around the house. The first few times are more of sweeping the dust AROUND the house rather than into the dustpan.

Even if some things do go into the dustpan, they seldom end up correctly into the bin. You just have to teach them patiently and sweep thoroughly once again when they are asleep.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

2) Wash the dishes

You have to separate out the lighter bowls and cutlery for them to wash. They may not be ready to handle the heavy pots and pans right now.

The idea is to let them try out how to dispense the detergent onto the dish sponge. Next, spread the detergent on the surface of the sponge evenly. Then apply onto the dishes on all surfaces including the exterior of the bowls (this step they will be very thorough and can easily soap for more than a minute for a small bowl). After that, they will wash the bowl under the tap, with one hand still holding the soapy sponge. That tickles me as I have not expected them to still hold onto the soapy sponge when rinsing the dishes.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

3) Wash the teddies

I let my kids help to wash their own teddies and their favourite bolsters.

They put in the soap, on the tap, learn how to wash the surface of the teddies as though they are bathing them. They get to see how dirty the soapy water is.

After which they pour away the water and rinse and squeeze a few times till there are not much bubbles left. To speed up the drying, we put them into a big towel and spin dry in the washer. Finally, they helped out with the hanging of the bears and bolsters for airing under the sun.

Appropriate age: 3 years and above

4) Sewing

I believe my girl is able to handle the needle and thread at 6 years old. My boy would not be ready now.

Over the weekends, I did some animal felt craft with my kids, and when it came to the blanket stitches, I took over. As kids love to learn new things, I showed my girl how to sew the blanket stitch and let her try it out on her own. At first, she was too quick in pulling the needle and the thread came out loose. I love it that she learnt about the way to handle needle and she tried out a few stitches before she passed it back to me. So, there she gains another experience!

Appropriate age: 6 years and above

5) Cooking

There are many steps in the process of cooking. I am still not comfortable in letting my kids try out the cutting process where they have to handle knives. But the washing of vegetables, peeling, beating eggs are definitely more manageable. I have let them play around with making sushi, making jelly, putting the toppings on a pizza. You will be surprised how much they are able to help out.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

Kids love to help, and love to try new things. There is no better time than now to let them learn while having fun.

As for ironing, I shall look into that when my girl turns 7 next year.

Do you have other simple chores for your kids too? Tell me about them!

Why It Is Important To Be Yourself in front of your Kids

Being a mum for 6 over years now, looking back, I have stopped or done less of many things that I used to do when days were just the 2 of us, me and Kel.

I have stopped watching news channel, read books, even going out for an old school gathering sounds guilty to me.

We all know that marriage is blissful and having kids with the one you love is the perfect scenario of how you define LOVE. But no one told me that life after kids is 24/7 physical (for stay home mum), 24/7 emotional, 24/7 thoughts revolving around your children! And, the best part is, I LOVE IT!!

Everyone knows that a mummy’s well-being is necessary and essential. If you take good care of your well-being, you will be happy and you will have positive emotions to pass on to your kids, and they will grow up happily! Hence, I plan to work on these 10 activities to find back my life and at the same time, teach my kids that parenting is fun so that they will not grow up with the naggy, tired, unhappy mum image and frighten them off parenthood!

(1) Read your favourite books in front of your kids!

When was the last time you dreamt of lounging back in your chair, with one good book in your hand and sipping a cup of hot coffee / tea (for me it’s hot milk)? Well, I imagined that many times in a week, especially when I am tired. Reading book is a good habit and what’s better model to show your kids yourself reading a book regularly?

(2) Catch up with the news!

Get back the TV remote control and switch from the cartoon network to news channel! Read the papers daily! Precisely, you are a mum, you should be well aware of what is happening and going on around you and in the world. Letting your kids see that you are interested in news channel and the newspapers, they will follow in your footsteps when they grow older. And you can help out in their homework which touch on social or political news. Not only that, you won’t be lost in news discussion during friends and family gatherings.

(3) Do some housework in front of your kids

To SAHM (stay at home mum) without domestic helpers, doing housework is a never-ending activity and bound to happen in front of the kids. But for those with domestic helpers, try to do some simple housework, like sewing a loose button, washing some dishes occasionally. This will send the message to your kids that since mummy is doing some housework, kids should do some simple chores too. Taking the domestic helper for granted is not the way in the house. For me, I have no domestic helper, and I am learning to delegate some simple tasks to my kids. Now is the best time to let them help out and learn simple household chores. Once they grow older, they will not help out as willingly and eager as small kids now!

(4) Eat a proper breakfast, lunch and dinner

You must be thinking how difficult is that?

It’s difficult to eat properly with kids around, that’s for me. I will busy to and fro the dining table, cleaning up some mess in the middle of the meal, be at the disposal of my kids who want a drink, next a tissue, another minute fetch a fallen chopstick and what’s next?

I haven’t started this one, but I will soon. I intend to set down rules at the dining table. No walking to the fridge mid-way. No getting off chair. No one leg on the chair. No hitting bowls with chopsticks. Have drinks ready on their placemats, have a piece of tissue beside them. Hopefully, this will allow me to have a peaceful and enjoyable meal at meal times. I can’t set a good example if I am always walking away from the table. No wonder my kids always walk about.

(5) Go out on a regular date with your hubby

This one is important and equally important to let your kids know.

You are married to your spouse and you do not have to give up lovey-dovey dates to spend every single minute and second with your kids. Trash out the guilt! Let your kids know that daddy and mummy have to spend time together without them. Only with a strong marriage, can you have a loving and strong family bond.

(6) Have your own “me-time”

Go out with your girl friends! Go out with your mum and sisters! Go out shopping! Let your kids know you are going out enjoying yourself with friends. They have to know that mummy’s life consists of her own mummy, sisters and friends. And 90% out of the shopping trip, you will buy something for your kids. I have been through that and still find shopping for my kids’ stuff is more enjoyable than buying mine. So, go ahead to indulge ourselves and show them the shopping bags.

(7) Exercise and keep fit

I go for regular gym workout and for times when I do not have the time, I do stretching in my kids’ room. They follow me and find the actions hilarious. Kids find everything hilarious. Exercise is a necessity, not a luxury. We must incorporate exercise regime even though we are busy raising kids. We need to keep fit, run after kids, and be fit enough when we are 60s or 70s, to enjoy overseas holidays with them.

(8) Don’t give up your hobby

Enjoy your hobby. Be it collecting buttons, reading, playing piano, writing blogs, let the kids be part of the enjoyment. Kids love to collect things. My XX and YH have been collecting coins. They are still learning about the value of money and now, they treat coins as collectibles more than saving up for the things they like. When we go to the Botanical Gardens, our kids collect fruits and leaves (those that have dropped) along the way. It is good to cultivate a hobby for adults and children alike.

(9) Go on holidays without your kids

This is provided if there are arrangements to put your kids with grandparents and baby-sitters. Kel and I try to plan for a holiday for the family and a holiday for just the 2 of us or with friends once a year. We need to re-kindle the passion in us to have a good couple well-being. We want to enjoy family holidays bringing kids and our parents around the world. So, it seems fair to have one holiday for each.

And once you are on the plane or cruise with just your spouse, forget about the kids totally. I know, I know, it’s extremely hard, you can think of them, but don’t let your guilt take over. And I never fail to get a gift for them from the holiday. (Sorry, I could not practice what I preach…I will still think of them.)

(10) Hug and kiss your hubby everyday!

Do this frequent and when the kids are around!

We are married and we are in courtship forever. There is no reason why showing spouse affection should stop or deem inappropriate in front of the kids. Remember to say “I love you” to your spouse, even though the frequency is out of proportion compared to saying to your kids. Your kids will be happy and feel blissful in a loving family where their daddy and mummy are radiating lots of love.

Having kids does not mean you have to give up your life essentials for them. That will most likely result in a more tired self and possible resentment towards the kids. We are kids’ best model. We should live our life around them and have them live their lives around us too.

How do you find ways of rejuvenating yourself?