Parenting issues Archives - Page 12 of 12

Through the eyes of my little ones

I read somewhere that to look at the good points of a person, try looking for everything that is green in colour around you. You would probably find many things that are green now that you focus only on this colour. Same goes for choosing to look at the fine points of a person. Through the eyes of the little kids, they can only see the fine points in their parents and no one on earth comes close to their Papa and Mummy.

My Mummy is PERFECT, never mind that she can’t drive and can’t sing very well, to me, she is flawless.
My Mummy is BEAUTIFUL, never mind that she digs her nose and is getting fatter.
My Mummy will always hug me no matter how mischievous I am.
I will never hold grudges against my Mummy, no matter how she punishes me for misbehaving.
Even though she is angry with me at times, I still want her to kiss me goodnight. I want her to accompany me to sleep every night.
I love to help my Mummy in whatever she does. “Mummy, what else is there for me to do for you?”
My Mummy knows everything under the sun. I love to ask her questions.
Even though my Mummy is scared of cockroaches, lizards, and all kinds of reptiles, I will protect her no matter what.
My Mummy is my best friend. I love to tell her what happened in school everyday. I love telling her secrets.
I will continue to hug my Mummy and kiss my Mummy even when I grow old.

I love you forever, Mummy…

My Papa is PERFECT, never mind that he can’t play the piano, to me, he is flawless.
My Papa is HANDSOME, never mind that he farts in the room and he is always wearing the same shirt.
I know that my Papa will not be angry with me 5 min after I misbehave.
My Papa is a strong man! He can carry me to sit on his shoulders to watch lion dance for a long time.
My Papa knows everything about animals, pre-historic animals, insects, plants, history, geography, and everything on earth. He is a walking encyclopedia!
My Papa allows me to touch insects and teaches me their body parts.
My Papa is a great cook! He cooks the best maggie mee on earth.
My Papa is never afraid of all kinds of insects and animals. I bet he is not scared of dinosaurs too! He is awesome!
I love my Papa to make sharp turns when he drives and push us at high speed sitting in a trolley inside the supermarket. We love thrills!
Whenever I need a kiss and a hug, my Papa will readily kiss and hug me.

I love you forever, Papa…

and we love you forever too, XX and YH…

Through the eyes of my dear XX and YH, I saw the above love messages about me and Kel.

In their eyes, we are both PERFECT… and

in our eyes, they are both PERFECT…

I want my kids to experience house chores now

My sister-in-law told me that she ironed her clothes when she was only five years old. She was brought up in a family of 5 children.

Hence, every time I iron clothes, I would think of her ironing when she was my daughter’s age. Even though I do not need ironing help from my kids, I would still think if I should expose her to ironing at such a young age. Will she be able to handle the heat, the ironing strokes, the weight of the iron, etc?

However, I know young kids love to help out around the house. And I shall let them handle some simple chores so as to expose them to how things are being cleaned, wiped, mopped, swept, washed, and many others. It will serve as a skill exposure as well as fun learning for them.

So far, I have let them help out in the below chores which I think they are able to handle well:

1) Sweep the floor

They have helped to sweep the floor around the house. The first few times are more of sweeping the dust AROUND the house rather than into the dustpan.

Even if some things do go into the dustpan, they seldom end up correctly into the bin. You just have to teach them patiently and sweep thoroughly once again when they are asleep.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

2) Wash the dishes

You have to separate out the lighter bowls and cutlery for them to wash. They may not be ready to handle the heavy pots and pans right now.

The idea is to let them try out how to dispense the detergent onto the dish sponge. Next, spread the detergent on the surface of the sponge evenly. Then apply onto the dishes on all surfaces including the exterior of the bowls (this step they will be very thorough and can easily soap for more than a minute for a small bowl). After that, they will wash the bowl under the tap, with one hand still holding the soapy sponge. That tickles me as I have not expected them to still hold onto the soapy sponge when rinsing the dishes.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

3) Wash the teddies

I let my kids help to wash their own teddies and their favourite bolsters.

They put in the soap, on the tap, learn how to wash the surface of the teddies as though they are bathing them. They get to see how dirty the soapy water is.

After which they pour away the water and rinse and squeeze a few times till there are not much bubbles left. To speed up the drying, we put them into a big towel and spin dry in the washer. Finally, they helped out with the hanging of the bears and bolsters for airing under the sun.

Appropriate age: 3 years and above

4) Sewing

I believe my girl is able to handle the needle and thread at 6 years old. My boy would not be ready now.

Over the weekends, I did some animal felt craft with my kids, and when it came to the blanket stitches, I took over. As kids love to learn new things, I showed my girl how to sew the blanket stitch and let her try it out on her own. At first, she was too quick in pulling the needle and the thread came out loose. I love it that she learnt about the way to handle needle and she tried out a few stitches before she passed it back to me. So, there she gains another experience!

Appropriate age: 6 years and above

5) Cooking

There are many steps in the process of cooking. I am still not comfortable in letting my kids try out the cutting process where they have to handle knives. But the washing of vegetables, peeling, beating eggs are definitely more manageable. I have let them play around with making sushi, making jelly, putting the toppings on a pizza. You will be surprised how much they are able to help out.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

Kids love to help, and love to try new things. There is no better time than now to let them learn while having fun.

As for ironing, I shall look into that when my girl turns 7 next year.

Do you have other simple chores for your kids too? Tell me about them!

Why It Is Important To Be Yourself in front of your Kids

Being a mum for 6 over years now, looking back, I have stopped or done less of many things that I used to do when days were just the 2 of us, me and Kel.

I have stopped watching news channel, read books, even going out for an old school gathering sounds guilty to me.

We all know that marriage is blissful and having kids with the one you love is the perfect scenario of how you define LOVE. But no one told me that life after kids is 24/7 physical (for stay home mum), 24/7 emotional, 24/7 thoughts revolving around your children! And, the best part is, I LOVE IT!!

Everyone knows that a mummy’s well-being is necessary and essential. If you take good care of your well-being, you will be happy and you will have positive emotions to pass on to your kids, and they will grow up happily! Hence, I plan to work on these 10 activities to find back my life and at the same time, teach my kids that parenting is fun so that they will not grow up with the naggy, tired, unhappy mum image and frighten them off parenthood!

(1) Read your favourite books in front of your kids!

When was the last time you dreamt of lounging back in your chair, with one good book in your hand and sipping a cup of hot coffee / tea (for me it’s hot milk)? Well, I imagined that many times in a week, especially when I am tired. Reading book is a good habit and what’s better model to show your kids yourself reading a book regularly?

(2) Catch up with the news!

Get back the TV remote control and switch from the cartoon network to news channel! Read the papers daily! Precisely, you are a mum, you should be well aware of what is happening and going on around you and in the world. Letting your kids see that you are interested in news channel and the newspapers, they will follow in your footsteps when they grow older. And you can help out in their homework which touch on social or political news. Not only that, you won’t be lost in news discussion during friends and family gatherings.

(3) Do some housework in front of your kids

To SAHM (stay at home mum) without domestic helpers, doing housework is a never-ending activity and bound to happen in front of the kids. But for those with domestic helpers, try to do some simple housework, like sewing a loose button, washing some dishes occasionally. This will send the message to your kids that since mummy is doing some housework, kids should do some simple chores too. Taking the domestic helper for granted is not the way in the house. For me, I have no domestic helper, and I am learning to delegate some simple tasks to my kids. Now is the best time to let them help out and learn simple household chores. Once they grow older, they will not help out as willingly and eager as small kids now!

(4) Eat a proper breakfast, lunch and dinner

You must be thinking how difficult is that?

It’s difficult to eat properly with kids around, that’s for me. I will busy to and fro the dining table, cleaning up some mess in the middle of the meal, be at the disposal of my kids who want a drink, next a tissue, another minute fetch a fallen chopstick and what’s next?

I haven’t started this one, but I will soon. I intend to set down rules at the dining table. No walking to the fridge mid-way. No getting off chair. No one leg on the chair. No hitting bowls with chopsticks. Have drinks ready on their placemats, have a piece of tissue beside them. Hopefully, this will allow me to have a peaceful and enjoyable meal at meal times. I can’t set a good example if I am always walking away from the table. No wonder my kids always walk about.

(5) Go out on a regular date with your hubby

This one is important and equally important to let your kids know.

You are married to your spouse and you do not have to give up lovey-dovey dates to spend every single minute and second with your kids. Trash out the guilt! Let your kids know that daddy and mummy have to spend time together without them. Only with a strong marriage, can you have a loving and strong family bond.

(6) Have your own “me-time”

Go out with your girl friends! Go out with your mum and sisters! Go out shopping! Let your kids know you are going out enjoying yourself with friends. They have to know that mummy’s life consists of her own mummy, sisters and friends. And 90% out of the shopping trip, you will buy something for your kids. I have been through that and still find shopping for my kids’ stuff is more enjoyable than buying mine. So, go ahead to indulge ourselves and show them the shopping bags.

(7) Exercise and keep fit

I go for regular gym workout and for times when I do not have the time, I do stretching in my kids’ room. They follow me and find the actions hilarious. Kids find everything hilarious. Exercise is a necessity, not a luxury. We must incorporate exercise regime even though we are busy raising kids. We need to keep fit, run after kids, and be fit enough when we are 60s or 70s, to enjoy overseas holidays with them.

(8) Don’t give up your hobby

Enjoy your hobby. Be it collecting buttons, reading, playing piano, writing blogs, let the kids be part of the enjoyment. Kids love to collect things. My XX and YH have been collecting coins. They are still learning about the value of money and now, they treat coins as collectibles more than saving up for the things they like. When we go to the Botanical Gardens, our kids collect fruits and leaves (those that have dropped) along the way. It is good to cultivate a hobby for adults and children alike.

(9) Go on holidays without your kids

This is provided if there are arrangements to put your kids with grandparents and baby-sitters. Kel and I try to plan for a holiday for the family and a holiday for just the 2 of us or with friends once a year. We need to re-kindle the passion in us to have a good couple well-being. We want to enjoy family holidays bringing kids and our parents around the world. So, it seems fair to have one holiday for each.

And once you are on the plane or cruise with just your spouse, forget about the kids totally. I know, I know, it’s extremely hard, you can think of them, but don’t let your guilt take over. And I never fail to get a gift for them from the holiday. (Sorry, I could not practice what I preach…I will still think of them.)

(10) Hug and kiss your hubby everyday!

Do this frequent and when the kids are around!

We are married and we are in courtship forever. There is no reason why showing spouse affection should stop or deem inappropriate in front of the kids. Remember to say “I love you” to your spouse, even though the frequency is out of proportion compared to saying to your kids. Your kids will be happy and feel blissful in a loving family where their daddy and mummy are radiating lots of love.

Having kids does not mean you have to give up your life essentials for them. That will most likely result in a more tired self and possible resentment towards the kids. We are kids’ best model. We should live our life around them and have them live their lives around us too.

How do you find ways of rejuvenating yourself?

Learning Piano: From Dread to Love

XX has been learning piano in the Yamaha Junior Music Course (YJC) for almost 3 years . That, to me, is already an achievement to her and me. Firstly, learning something new is not easy, and to be able to sustain learning is even more difficult. Piano course is XX’s first enrichment class and in fact her only one till now. Kel and I have been careful not to stress our kids in taking too many courses. Ok, I know one is not alot at all and she may have time to learn another new skill. Or rather, WE as parents can “squeeze” some more time to bring her to a second enrichment class, which means multiply by 2 if you have 2 kids like me.

All parents will know that for their children to take courses, it involves tremendous determination, time, effort, coordination and of course trade-offs. It doesn’t help that YH has started this year in the same Yamaha JMC course too (The first 2 years being JMC – Junior Music Course, and the next 2 years being JXC – Junior Extension Course). Luckily I was able to find an exactly same time slot for the both of them at the same Yamaha branch. In that case, we do not need to spend unnecessary hours waiting for the next class to start.

I have all praises for Yamaha JMC/JXC course. Having some background in music, I appreciate the Yamaha teaching approach and emphasis on by-ear hearing for children at the age of 4 onwards. Age of 4 is the golden start year of a child’s hearing. Parents have to sit in with their children for the initial 2 years in JMC. So now, XX is already in her 3^rd year (JXC) and I am proud that she is independent enough to attend the weekly one hour lesson on her own! That includes taking down notes and following her teacher, Ms Tan’s instructions! I could not have believed it half a year back! One thing I have learnt is that kids will be forever dependent on you until the day you let go and let them be on their own. How true is that for XX!

These 3 years are not without ups and downs in learning piano. The ups and downs apply as much to XX as to me. From the initial enthusiasm to asking for permission to skip the class to tearful practices at home and to current going-to-piano-on-her-own, it indeed is a roller coaster ride for both of us. I would not say she has great affection for the piano. But she definitely enjoys it.

How do I deal with her tantrums at the point of low interest in piano?

The ingredients are lots of PATIENCE and PATIENCE and PATIENCE!

1) Patience! Patience! Patience!

There are many times when I feel like pulling my hair or stomp off the seat (which I guiltily admit I did!) when I am coaching her practice. There are times when I feel like stopping her lessons. But, this is the only class she goes, and she is good at it, and I can see signs of enjoyment during class and smirk of satisfaction on her face when she masters a piece. I have to keep telling myself to think positively that both of us must persevere and must not give up learning halfway. I took a bet on this one despite many negative withdrawal thoughts. I won, at least until today.

2) Practise in a fun way!

Children love games! When my girl is discouraged with playing a difficult piece, I put her favourite clip on the back of her hand. The challenge is to play the piece without dropping the clip. She takes up the challenge happily and practices more times and it helps her familiarize the song without knowing. Bravo! She masters the song! (By the way, XX is good at memorizing and mastering songs in less than 5 tries!)

As for YH, he practises the piano with his pooh bear behind him as you can see here 🙂

3) Have a mini concert

While XX is practicing her pieces to almost passable standard, I will invite her brother YH to have a crazy dance. We can fall to the floor at the cue of the last note. We can dance in a slow but funny way with moderato or largo tempo. We do a fast one with allegro songs. We tried waltz and tango as well. Everyone enjoys the concert.

4) Playing for others

Sometimes, knowing too much can be a disadvantage too. XX loves to play for her 爷爷 (grandpa) who doesn’t know how to play the piano. She finds herself an expert compared to him and loves the applause and encouraging words from him after a song. He doesn’t criticize much. For me, I have the urge to correct mistakes and point out improvements. XX, at her lousy mood times, will throw tantrums when I correct her. When tantrums flood in, the entire session is spoilt. I try my best to avoid this.

5) Encouragement and lots of it!

XX’s Yamaha teacher, Ms Tan is extremely good at handling kids. I learnt from her some silly ways to make practice sessions fun. When XX plays a song well, instead of clapping my hands, I ask her to tap her nose together with me. We tap our cheeks and shoulders and anywhere we find silly and funny. Such amusing and fun actions liven up the entire practice session. And it works great with the young one YH.

At times, when my girl throws tantrums, I bit my lip and use my most tender and loving voice to push her on. When it doesn’t work, I stop the practice session totally and announce to continue the next day. I would rather stop the session abruptly than to let her continue in a sulking manner. Playing the piano is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. I would not want her to link piano with stress and lousy feelings.

I strongly believe that learning the piano will teach my kids

– PATIENCE (while figuring out notes and expressions),

– ENDURANCE (in mastering a piece of song),

– PERSEVERANCE (in the long road to Grade 8 and above)

– INDEPENDENCE (go to class alone, take down notes, and practice on her own at home)

– ENJOYMENT (a way of expressing herself, her feelings, her thoughts through music, that’ll be in the future)

– PRIDE (to learn a skill and able to display confidence to an audience)

Well, the route of learning is tough. But, I am happy that I am able to accompany XX and YH in this long journey to reap the intangibles and values that we pick up along the way.

Do you have interesting ways to encourage your kids? Share with me!

Dealing with back talk and rude behaviour [+ Free Printables!]

Recently my 6-yr-old has been going into her “pre-tweens” stage. Yes, “pre-tweens”! (Tween is the new word for describing someone between child and teen age, and I guess my girl belongs to the stage before that, hence, “pre-tweens”) She has been defiant and rude to her mummy and daddy. She challenges our stare or no stare, mumbles under her breath, knuckles on her waist, folds her arms, back talks, anything that you can see in an adolescent. Oh dear! You can imagine how devastated I feel. My natural instinct was to flip back on my childhood memories and nope, I could not find anything similar in my childhood days to deal with such behaviour. Usually I will think back on how my mother would have dealt with such a situation and mirror her actions or improvised from there. My next thinking is self-blame. This is bad. I start to think I may not have spent enough time with her. There were some changes in the house recently as we just moved house. Next on my thought list is that she picked up from her friends in school. Fair enough, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she is not by nature a rude girl. Continue reading “Dealing with back talk and rude behaviour [+ Free Printables!]”