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After PSLE – 1 Year On in a Neighbourhood Secondary School

After the no-tuition route that we had strongly believed in to prepare for Missy’s PSLE last year, what has happened in the year for Missy in Secondary school life? Missy did not enter a TOP branded school. We knew that was not a route for Missy and it was not a necessary path for our kids either. Missy entered a neighbourhood Secondary School. It was a perfect school for Missy. Here is why.

After receiving Missy’s PSLE results last year, we went for a big celebration regardless what results she got. If you would have remembered, we sent her a big bouquet of flowers one day before the PSLE results were out, to send her the message that we were really proud of her efforts put in rather than focusing on the 3 digit score. We went for 2 Open Houses that weekend, let Missy choose the Secondary Schools she wished to put in her Choice list, and we were happy that she got her first choice of school, a 7-minute walk neighbourhood school.

Fast forward to one year now, I must say Missy has matured in all aspects in this awesome school. It was an eye opener for Missy and for myself on what a neighbourhood Secondary school is like.

Principal

One of the most important thing we did when we visited the Open Houses and checked out the Secondary Schools is to talk to the Principals. We found out from friends in education sector about the principal of the schools, ensure they have a passion of nurturing students in all aspects apart from academic, hear from teachers’ feedback on the principals’ leadership and the changes that took place in the school under the principal. We find that this is the fastest way to help us understand if this school’s culture and values are what we wish for our child to grow up in. We were happy and convinced that from numerous sources, Missy’s current school principal is a very committed leader and have in place good initiatives that put students’ interests and growth as top priorities.

Distance from Home

I have never appreciate proximity as much as now. Missy could be home within 10 minutes. She saves lots of time from travelling and more time for rest and she can wake up at a later time.

CCAs

Interestingly, while TOP schools may have an extremely competitive and stressful selection of school team players especially when there are so many DSA players, we are happy that Missy shines in multi-CCA selections in a less competitive environment. However, she could only choose one CCA. When Missy joined the sports team, the school had never been close to entering the Nationals. After she and a few school team players from her Primary School joined the cohort, they created record and the school relived the honour of the sports! It was a proud moment that they have the potential to create history in the school! A niche CCA can really come from a humble beginning!

Leadership Opportunities

When Missy entered Secondary 1, one of my top advice to her is to encourage her to take on leadership roles whenever possible. It is not so much for the deduction of points when she goes on to post-Secondary education. It is more of a golden opportunity to learn soft skills, meet different kinds of people, deal with challenging situations and problem-solve. Missy was lucky to be the monitress cum chairperson of the monitors in her class. She faced lots of issues and challenges along the way for the entire year and there were times that it was too trying for her. But she soldiered on and we often discussed these issues on how she could have handled better or thought of creative solutions together to tackle problems. She really grew up a lot. I am so thankful for the opportunities that she had in this school.

Right now, she is in the selection stage of becoming a student leader in the school and potential Captain in her sports team. I am so proud of her. Such leadership opportunities may be more competitive in a TOP school where there are many potentials than available positions. In comparison, I would think that as long as you have a positive attitude, leadership opportunities are much within reach in a neighbourhood school.

Academic

I do not think that teachers are allocated bias-ly to different schools. In fact, I think from Missy’s experience, neighbourhood schools have good teachers too. Teachers who make a difference to the love of learning, and able to impart concepts to students for clearer understanding are good teachers, no matter where they are teaching. Coupled with the cooperation of the students’ own learning attitude, it takes two to clap. Hence, it does not mean that neighbourhood schools will not produce good students or less of them. At the end of it all, the students’ learning attitude dictates the type of students they make out to be.

School Programs

While I cannot speak for TOP schools’ programs and deemed it any fairer when budget is in the picture, I must say that neighbourhood schools have their own good curriculum too. Missy was attracted to this school when she first learnt that they have some sort of camps from Sec 1 to Sec 4. I believe other schools may have something similar. The important thing is that Missy enjoys the activities the school caters for them.

Friends

There are days and periods of time when each of our children encountered friendship issues. They were precious lessons to learn from and many good opportunities to hone their social skills. Each issue they faced and teared, was not lost to wallowing in self-pity or bad-mouthing peers. Every time it happened, I had a chance to discuss with each kid on stepping back to take a different look from another person’s perspective. It was refreshing and satisfying after the storm might be over and they see the fruits of their calm demeanor to amend, solve, make peace or the ability to see the true colours eventually. Friendship woes happen everywhere, regardless if it is a neighbourhood school or not. But in a neighbourhood school, the mix of students’ characters can be more diverse and I take it as a real society’s mix that the children will eventually see and face. Why not learn to handle and deal with a good mix of characters and differences now than later?

ATTITUDE MATTERS

The conclusion, after seeing what Missy has gone through in the entire year in this neighbourhood school, is that we are glad she has flourished in a school environment suitable for her learning pace, and plenty of opportunities to practise important life skills. It could be jolly well be a TOP branded school or a neighbourhood school like us. Nevertheless, I am convinced that with a good personal attitude towards herself and towards life, she can excel anywhere, in any school. The only difference is whether you are able to see and welcome every life’s opportunity positively or not.

Yes, environment plays a part, but if environment is such that it is not so favourable, would you be able to turn it around to your advantage such that you learn from the experience? This is what I want all my children to be and have – a POSITIVE MINDSET regardless where they are.

Do Our Kids Really Need Tuition?

Do our kids really need tuition? If you ask me, I would say maybe out of 10 kids, at least 5 may not need it at all. And then we have the other 5 who may really need it due to perhaps, a disengaging school teacher who kills all the passion in the subject, the child’s slow learning pace, lack of motivation and more reasons. So for the 5 who may not need, what is the compelling reason to take extra classes at all? Are our school teachers so incapable of teaching a child such that he or she does not understand the subject well? Is it that we want our kids to be able to answer every single question, problem sum, leaving practically nothing to be wrong?

When our first child was born, certainly the thought that we have to set aside funds for extra tuition classes never ever crossed our minds! However, we did secretly hope that we need not spend money for extra lessons. We wished that our children can perform well in school. We know how tuition classes are like from friends and media. And we do not want our children to spend their after school or weekend hours to sit in a class again to understand the same topics. Maybe it is just that we are selfish, we do not wish to ferry them back and forth classes. We certainly would be happy if we can save the money and time on tuition and better allocate them to playgrounds, building sandcastles, picnics, nature or even one or two expensive toys. If you have followed my PSLE series post, you would have known that Missy belonged to the average student and now that she has completed primary school days, my verdict is that I am glad I did not send her for tuition.

Many have asked me how we can go the No Tuition route. The answer is really very simple. Lower our expectations of our children. If you really want me to say the true answer, then it will be:

Have NO Expectations of our child

But how many people can do that? Don’t we all wish for our children to be top 3 in class? For some, getting our children to be top students may be fulfilling what we could not achieve when we were students ourselves. Maybe the real question to ask ourselves is: Why do we want our children to be top students? Can we accept Bs and Cs and why not?

With the pursuit of academic excellence, there are bound to have some opportunity costs. I think these are heavy costs.

Doing well by own efforts

We take away the chance to do well academically by our children’s own efforts. By enrolling tuition from as young as kinder or lower primary, we have never given our children a chance to prove to themselves that they can do it without additional help.

You are no good

We are telling our children that your results are no good, and that is why we are sending you for extra help so that you can improve. If your child is good enough, it is good enough, why do we want them to get the extra marks or even pursue for perfect score, not tolerating even one or two marks loss? What is life all about? Being perfect and always on the top 1% no matter where you go?

Nothing else matters except Ace

Our message to our children is: Academic comes first and anything non-academic or non-competitive do not matter. Is this the right message that we want the children to receive? Childhood life is just that: Ace Ace and more Ace?

No chance to fail

We deprive the children of a chance to fail. They grow up in a world of excellence and In their dictionary, it is missing the words “FAILURE” and “RESILIENT“. We should worry for the day when we no longer can help them achieve excellence and should they fall down, they cannot stand up on their own.

As parents, we all want the best for our child. Apart from basic morals and values, I find that having no expectations on our child is perhaps the best present that we can give them. When we do not expect anything, we allow the child to develop on their own, take charge of their own learning, take responsibility for consequences. By not expecting anything, does not mean that we are totally hands-free and let the child swim on his own. In fact, we can give help, guidance, and if really beneficial, send the child to tuition because the child needs it and not because WE want it. We can give moral support, and all kinds of help but let’s not expect anything in return. Our job is to do what we can to arm the child with the right tools so that he can walk on his own, grow on his own, not dictating which path he must take.

I am all for parents who send their children for tuition because they see the need to do so to help the child. But I wish that this post can remind parents whose children who are already doing well academically, that there are many other things in life that matter more. Some children mature slower, and a less than average results may not determine the child’s future. Some mature in Secondary School or later part in life. Children who are already doing well, let them have the time to play. Children who are doing average, it may just be a time issue. When the time is right, they will do well eventually. It may not be doing well academically, but it may be other non-academic talents that we should nurture instead of focusing on what they are no good in. What for focus on something that you are no good in and struggle to better it in unhappiness than to focus on something that you are good in and better it in happiness?

There is no intention of stating what is right and wrong in the decision for tuition in this post. As parents, we are the best persons to determine if our child needs that extra help in academic. However, before we sign up for that expensive tuition class, we may want to revisit the opportunity costs that I mention above and if this is really necessary or we are just afraid that our kids will fail our expectations.

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This post is the first post of the No Tuition series that I am starting to work on. I will be sharing how we go about our journey on No Tuition and the revisions that we did at home to help our child in the next few posts. My objective is really to hope more parents will focus on a happy childhood instead of feeding the billion dollar tuition industry.

So… Did We Survive to Tell The Tale of Our No-Tuition Route?

It all started with Missy failing her Math in P3. That really was a turning point for us in how we deal with academic expectations or rather, no expectation. I had a realisation to be more involved in my kids’ academic instead of being a laid-back mum for way too long. We re-visited basics, dealt with terrible attitude to seeing the change in Missy with a super good attitude, and then customising our unique 30 minutes revision to suit her learning style, insisted in no-tuition route, and finally improving by leaps and bounds in P6 PSLE results. This sums up our No-Tuition route for Primary School and Missy and I DID survive to tell the tale.

There is no fairy tale to tell here. No miracle too. The ingredients to succeed in the No-Tuition path are many. They require perseverance, cooperation, the right mindset, everybody’s contribution and support in one way or another. But I guess if you were to ask me what are the major ingredients, I would say there are 2. One is Missy’s good attitude towards her studies and the second, me having no expectation on Missy’s results. And I mean really NO expectation.

PRIMARY 4

Back in P4, our revision times were totally unpleasant.

Missy would roll her eyes, look elsewhere, cross her arms, and often, I would slam the table, engage in shouting matches, and we end up angry with each other. It was impossible to teach and at times, I was debating if I should even beg her to cooperate! Those times, revision was a waste of time and nothing went inside her ears.

PRIMARY 5

Perhaps it was a growing up phase, come P5, Missy started to become cooperative and our revision gradually become effective. She could absorb concepts and explanations fast. It became a breeze and joy to teach! I could not even believe it was just a few months ago that I was tearing my hair teaching her.

PRIMARY 6

Missy continued her good attitude into P6 year. In P5, we concentrated mostly on Math so that she could catch up on her Math basics. You wouldn’t believe it. At the start of P6, I realised that I neglected her English. Perhaps it was more like I accepted her borderline pass in this subject for the longest time and I don’t even know why I paid no heed to the warning bells! To be frank, I debated on whether to send her to tuition for professionals to teach her English. Even though I used to teach Adult English Course, I was not confident in bringing her up to the standard to score a better than borderline pass within just 9 months!

I discussed with the hub who gave me a very wise advice: Revise on English nightly for just 30 minutes, no more, no less.

I panicked. How can 30 minutes a night be sufficient??? We should do at least an hour! Or else, how can I bring her up to the standard within 9 months? Mind you, we are talking about basic plural, singular rules! Well, I decided to listen to the hub to keep to a short revision. On syllabus, it was kind of my forte to plan out our revision curriculum. I bought an English Grammar book. We started on basics, really basic English. We kept to 15 minutes teaching, and 15 minutes practising. Before we started, I had a pep talk with Missy. She had to cooperate for a full 30 minutes and I ensured not exceeding the 30 minutes and then we would be done. A stop watch helped to watch the time. We ended up with a super fruitful revision. Although it was only 30 minutes, she improved her English quickly. I also encouraged her to read books to complement the learning of English language.

P6 SA1 Results

Then SA1 results was released, Missy’s English results stayed the same. But some sub-papers improved and some marks were lost for other sub-papers due to carelessness. I thought maintaining results may also be an improvement on its own. It is not easy to maintain the same results if you think about how difficult it gets with every progression of the examinations. We continued to work hard through the June holidays to see if our hard work would be paid off in the Prelims. There was no drastic increase in marks, but certainly we saw improvements here and there.

Apart from English, I taught Missy Math and Science as well. I learnt along with her on Math and had to learn it fast to be able to teach her. Each time I was stuck, I looked for help from teachers and my hub. Eventually, Missy could do her Math problem sums faster than I did. It was a satisfaction to see her grasp her Math concepts fast and tackling the difficult questions by and by. She was encouraged by how she could do more and more questions correctly. She began to love Math.

For Science, I must say that going to the Marshall Cavendish Science Workshop for Parents and Students helped Missy to score from a C in SA1 to an A in her PSLE. That was an amazing improvement that neither she nor me expected! Many had feedbacked that Science paper was quite tricky. Having 2 grades jump in Science was totally Missy’s efforts! She did not need any tuition to achieve a 2 grades jump! We are soooo proud of her!

PSLE Results

Not only Science, in fact almost all her subjects had a 2 grades jump in PSLE except for her Chinese which she had a one grade jump to the maximum! Now, you should have guessed how she had fared in her SA1 and before. Yes, despite her results were not satisfactory in most parents’ eyes, her Dad and I stick to the belief that she will made it one day. We have never put any expectations on her just so that she has no pressure to shine on her own, achieves excellence out of her own efforts with no external tuition help, and we are ready to celebrate her results no matter what she will achieve. To reiterate this point, I made an arrangement to deliver a bouquet of flowers to her just 1 day before PSLE Results release day with the following message:

As long as she tried her best with no regrets, she is our pride and joy!

Now that the PSLE Results are out, we hope she will go into her school of choice. She chose her desired school. We, as parents, went to the school open house to speak to the Principal and teachers personally just to ensure the school’s direction is aligned with our beliefs. Indeed, the Principal has a good reputation of steering the school well wherever he goes. The teachers, whom we talked to, sound passionate and it seems that this school is able to nurture Missy’s artistic talent too. The bonus is that this school is just a 10 min walk from our house and Missy will not need to waste time on travelling.

We are looking forward to our first child’s Secondary School phase. It will certainly be a brand new experience. There will be 8 or so subjects to study, many projects to work on, many leadership and holistic experiences awaiting, and new friendships to forge. Secondary School years are my best years where I find my BFF and good friends. I hope Missy will enjoy her teenage years and grow her talents in this phase. My only wish is that she enjoys her Secondary School days.

Taking The Path Less Traveled…

With this, I shall wrap up our PSLE Series learning journey here. So many readers and friends have given us support at times that we struggle to walk the path less traveled. Thank you very much!

It takes lots of courage to believe in what we did, ignoring well-meant advice to engage external tutors, ignoring some who were not optimistic about us. I admit I was scared because I seemed to deny Missy of getting professional tutoring help and I was seen to be taking a gamble on her “future” if what PSLE is all about. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I was afraid I would fail to bring her up to her rightful potential. She has the potential, it just takes time and time was not on our side.

However, I know that I am doing the right thing. Because I know Missy best, I was able to curate a revision that best suits her. I was also able to give her full attention on revision. With the insistence of no-tuition, there was much sacrifice and cooperation from many family members. Missy’s younger brothers had to have less of me for the 9 months. I didn’t have much time for my hub too. The stubbornness in me was determined to make PSLE a less UN-enjoyable year for Missy. I guess I succeeded because Missy was never at all too stressful in preparation for her PSLE. I ensured she still have her time for play and fun. In fact, while many quit piano and CCAs for this year, Missy even resumed her piano lessons and took her first piano exam in July. She played for the school to the Nationals in volleyball in early part of the year. So kudos to Missy for being able to juggle interests and studies in this crucial year! This is exactly what I wish she will pick up to be a holistic achiever. She is really amazing!

I hope Missy’s story is able to inspire many out there. Everything is possible and it just takes some courage to do it. With a good attitude, we can move mountains 😃

This post is published with Missy’s permission which I think requires lots of courage to reveal her learning challenges that many may put them under wraps. I am happy that she allows me to write the PSLE Series and wrap up in this way too. Thank you my dear princess, I hope your story will inspire many out there and encourage others too 🙂

Counting Down to PSLE from a Laid-Back Mum’s Perspective

It is 9 days to PSLE as I am typing now. While many parents out there are pushing their PSLE kids hard for the final 100m on this marathon run, I have decided to stay off the track and be a spectator, but not without conscious effort to be hands-off.

I was like many, counting down the number of days left and ensuring reasonable number of hours of revision put in for each day. However, when school homework took my girl much time and suddenly our planned revision seemed to be put on hold, my girl panicked a little. I panicked a little too but I told her school homework comes first and it is also a revision on its own anyway. Then when weekends come, we expected more hours put in for revision. It did not happen. Missy slept till 11am even though the night before she slept at 10pm. She started her homework for an hour, took lunch, and resumed for 2 more hours before asking to join her younger siblings for a swim.

I knew she could have all the freedom she want when PSLE is over and told her she would not go. Of course she protested. Then my hub reminded me that there is a limit in what one can absorb for the day. I told him she only had 3 hours of revision on a weekend and if she skipped swimming, she could have at least completed one paper! After deliberating for a while, I relented. And that’s when I decided I had better switch back to my laid-back mode.

I was brought back to what I believe all along, not to place too much emphasis on PSLE. I got carried away trying to help Missy achieve her dream school which has a really high cut off point. I was affected by her disappointment when she did not get into that school via DSA. I thought I could help her achieve it judging from her big jump in grades in prelims. I thought perhaps by pushing just that little bit more, she may get into that school that she wants.

But, what really matters to a 12 yo child and her precious 13-16 years of age? Isn’t Secondary School a place of fond memories, a place where we meet our BFFs, a place we giggled and have fun with our peers, a place where after 20 years later, we are still touched by our school song? Is getting into a good school really, really THAT important? Wouldn’t academic ability mismatch demoralise our teen in those supposedly fun teen years? Wouldn’t an unsuitable Secondary School wipe off the smiles from our teen’s face? Does being clad in a top school uniform all that glamorous but without joy? Why are we aiming and placing high emphasis to get into a GOOD School?

Of course, if our child breezes through PSLE and his/her ability is up to the level that he/she does not struggle in a GOOD School, we should congratulate our child and be happy for him/her. But if our child is at a borderline, scrapping through the entry into THAT GOOD SCHOOL, perhaps, we are secretly worrying and hoping for the best. With such thoughts which brought me back to what I had initially set off the PSLE year to be from a mum with NO expectations, I encouraged Missy to do her best, and come what may, we shall choose a Secondary School that suits her. Hopefully, one that will groom her in her talents and one that she enjoys.

“Suits” is the right word and that sets our mindset for the remaining 9 days to PSLE.

Missy, I will be there to celebrate with you on the last day of your paper. I will be there to celebrate on the day of PSLE results release. No matter what results are shown on that slip of paper, we will still be proud of you! You have worked so hard and all that matters now and in future is the smile on your face, your laughter and exciting journey to forge good friendship and enjoy your best teen years. You are our pride and joy! All the best for your PSLE! We love you 🙂

Life Goes On in PSLE year – from a Mum with NO Expectations

Life goes on in the PSLE year. I must ensure that. Indeed we are doing that.

I gave ourselves a day off from revision on Good Friday holiday and played board games at home and relaxed on that rainy day. And we are talking about 3 weeks to SA1. We do not stop the piano lessons and the art classes because of PSLE. We still go for kids run events, check out Safra Yishun new pool, go for dinner gatherings, have sleepovers, and Missy will be taking her piano exam in July. Nothing is very much different except that we revise almost daily, doing just #30minrevision. We are fine with skipping a day or 2 of revision and choose sleep over study. When people ask Missy if she is stressed with PSLE preparations, she replied no. With that, I think I have done my part to shield her from academic stress. Remember? I was determined to make PSLE year a not-so UNenjoyable one for her.

But ask me if I feel stressful with my first child’s PSLE year. My answer is a Yes.

I am stressed because I worry that I may not be capable to help her meet her expectations to enter her target school. I put the entire home teaching responsibility on myself since I decided to go the No-Tuition route.
I am stressed because even though I know time is insufficient, I cannot cramp in too much revision time because I advocate balance and play.

And ask me if I have any expectations for her? The answer is ZERO expectations if you are talking about grades and marks and target schools. Expectations on ATTITUDE? Yes, plenty! Don’t bluff! You might say. Believe it or not, the only expectation comes from Missy herself. My role is to help her to get into the school that she targets for. That’s all.

Because I do not have expectations, it guides me a great deal in our revision plan.

I started by focusing on her weakness and basics. Initially, I was alarmed that her foundation was so weak in various subjects. Since I have no expectations for her to go into any top schools from the start, I calculated that we have time to start anew and drill the basics. If I have expectations to target for top schools, then I can bet that our revision will be a super stressful one to cover basics and advance to being able to do any kind of killer questions. Tackling killer questions is NOT our priority nor a MUST to master. If time permits, yes, we shall do that and A* will be a bonus, but NOT a MUST-HAVE.

Once the basics were grasped, which was really quick because of Missy’s good learning attitude, we explored further in depth. Within 4 months from January to now, we are ready to tackle the harder questions in Math, putting more ticks than crosses in English Paper Booklet B, and getting the hang in answering Science Open-Ended Questions.

I do not ask for her to complete all the 10+ sets of top school papers for every subject, nor do I expect her to complete half the assessment books. We try to do revision within our means and time available. There is still much laughter in the house everyday and Missy is still her jovial self. Seeing that she still has a life despite everyone else getting stressed up in this year, I am really happy.

I can’t emphasize enough on how Missy’s change in learning attitude drives her to improve in a short time. It makes revision time so much easier. In the past, we spent much time dealing with tantrums, testing each other’s patience, teaching through gritting teeth with angry tones that refused to enter the ears. And not forgetting the eyes-rolling, head turned away and arms-crossing act. By and by, it took more than a year before she came to an awakening, got motivated, became receptive to my teaching and cooperated perfectly during revision time. I must say consistent love helps a lot in her attitude transformation.

I told Missy:

If there is any improvement in your academic, you are the one to make it happen.
You will certainly do well, it is just a matter of time.

I hope she continues her good attitude which will certainly bring her far in life.

To PSLE, here we come!!

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