It has been 14 years as a Full-Time Working Mum (FTWM).
At home, in these 14 years, I see my children grow up and see the change in my role as a mother from a hands-on to a gradual hands-off one. I used to decide everything that my kids do but as the years go by, I need to step back at times to respect their decisions and let them be independent.
At work, in contrast, I do not see myself grow much in these 14 years. My teammates, the younger generation, in their early thirties, are probably more IT savvy, more knowledgeable, and likely having a higher pay than me.
One thing sets us apart in most cases. At the age of 30, I have 2 young kids and stagnant in career while they have no kids and prospering in their career.
As someone who just turned 40 this year, I feel lost at times at this juncture. Lost in how to chase back lost time and work up the career ladder and salary scale. At the peak age of mid-twenties, I chose to get married and had kids in my prime child-bearing years, while many of my friends used their prime years to focus on their career and are financially stable before they start a family.
There is no right or wrong route to take and I am not regretting my actions. I am a mum of 3 at the age of 33. My 2 kids are now teenagers and my youngest is in primary school. I take pride that I do look like sisters posing beside my daughter. I am happy that I have lots of opportunity to witness my kids’ growing up milestones, bring them out frequently, do art and craft activities with them, cook meals and bake cake together, be there at competitions, volunteer in school events, all the while as a FTWM. I just needed to plan and take time off to do all these without too much work stress or night conference calls, business travels bothering me. The tradeoff is having my career take a backseat.
I do think of the opposite route and wonder if I were to choose career first and focus on starting a family later, would I be able to provide a better life for my children? Would I now be a senior position in the company? Would I have provided my children with a happy childhood like they had and still having now? Children’s basic needs are really a warm shelter and lots of love and attention from parents. Would more money make a positive difference to these basic needs?
At this moment in my life, I have more time on my hands. I find renewed energy at age 40. I start to read more books, to arm myself with knowledge. I am inspired by women who have juggled family and career and reaching where they are right now. I am active at work. I join network groups to learn from experienced people and to bounce new ideas. I sign myself up as a trainer in the company, something that I have never done but I see many benefits to put myself up there to train people. I want to build confidence. I volunteer my time to help out events to know more people and for fun. I join exercise classes to get fit as well as network with other people with the same interest. I lead a Netball club to hone my leadership skills. I lunch with different people every day to socialise and mutually motivate each other at work and in personal life. At this age, I have experiences to share, especially in parenting. I connect with many mums and often guide younger parents who face parenting issues which I had been there before.
I believe that with increased confidence and the eager attitude for learning, I would be able to chase lost time in my career eventually. I may take a longer path than others, but it is really the journey that is important.
10 years later, if my 25-year-old daughter were to ask me for advice between family and career, I would share my experience with her and let her heart decide. I know that if I could turn back the clock, I would still choose family over career. The prime years of spending precious time with my children, as a result of career taking a backseat, will never be quite the same if I had reversed the sequence. A woman’s prime years will always be a struggle to how best they could be spent. Whatever decision a woman may have, do not look back. There will always be tradeoffs and just focus on what’s ahead of you.
