Kids are mirror images of their parents.
Whatever we do and however we do, our kids see, hear, digest and churn out exactly the same and often hits you in stark familiarity. Continue reading “It’s tough being a perfect role model to your kids”
Tag: Family
Can mums really travel without kids?
My mum tells me how lucky I am to have a job which I can come home on time on most days and do not need to travel. Although that usually equates to not being a high flyer or high frequency flyer, I am thankful for my job that gives me the precious time I need with my kids. So, when my boss told me to travel on business, my first thought goes to my kids at home. Who’s going to take care of them? What will happen to them when I am away? How will my kids take it that I am away? How shall I tell them about this without tears pouring over little sulking faces? Continue reading “Can mums really travel without kids?”
Reminders to myself as a wife and mummy
3 years ago, when I was 6 years into marriage and 5 years into motherhood, I wrote a list of reminders that I hope to revisit from time to time. They are the reminders to myself to be a good mummy to my children and a good wife to my hubby. I wrote this list for fear that one day I might be too caught up in a whirlwind of life’s changes, I might lose myself somehow and forget the basic ingredients in building a happy family.
Reminders to myself as a wife and mummy:
1) do not nag too much
2) learn to let go and care less, not care more
3) do not stress your kids academically
4) accept your child’s ability and accept who they are
5) accept who your hubby is
6) learn to take good care of yourself, take care of your own needs before others
7) treat yourself well
8) appreciate small improvements / changes
9) appreciate your blissful life now
10) appreciate that everyone including yourself is healthy
Now, 3 years after the above list is made, I am happy that I keep to most of the reminders, except maybe for no. 1 “do not nag too much” and no. 7 “treat yourself well”.
Nagging too much seems to be the inevitable for mothers. It’s a vicious cycle. If the kids or even the hubby had to have repeated reminders to pick up a piece of paper or to bring the cup to the sink area, how can the homemaker not say the same instruction repeatedly which is what they termed the “nagging”? If all I need to do is to just say it once, and the task gets done, will I ever need to “nag”? Nevertheless, I have accepted this as part and parcel of being human and what I’ll need to do is to say it out in a different tone and manner, perhaps that’ll take away the nagging tone to make the nagging not such a nag. I don’t know. But I will have to try. Does anyone has a good solution on this out there?
Treat yourself well. Usually mothers are like “burnt chop”. They are the ones who eat the burnt chop and give the good ones to the rest of the family. They always put the well-being of the family first and themselves last. Whatever they do, they do with the best interest of the family even if it means to sacrifice their me-time and social life. This is the area I need to improve on. Self-sacrifice has always been the norm for me and putting myself above the others is going to be difficult. So far, I have been trying to treat myself better minus all the guilt. Wish me luck!
For no. 8 and 9: “appreciate your blissful life now” and “appreciate that everyone including yourself is healthy“, I have written a blog post on this and am happy that a check at this point in time, I do appreciate such simple but easily taken for granted things.
How do you keep check on yourself to not take things for granted? And do you nag? Do you have ways to cut down nagging?
Deciding when to have kids
Many friends whom I know, including myself, would love to start plan B (B for Baby) after they have enjoyed their marriage for about 2 years. That’s a reasonable time before committing themselves to parenthood for life. Well, statistics show that many are putting off marriage till early 30s or mid-30s. That could only mean that plan B will start mid-30s and late 30s and there comes increasing complications, particularly in health. Not to mention that waiting for a successful pregnancy may be longer.
What is in store for those who start plan B late?
1. Fewer kids
If a couple were to have their first baby at the age of 32, they will be less likely to have more than 2 kids. It is more ideal that there is a space of at least 18 months between 2 pregnancies for the womb and body to recover from childbirth stress. Family planning will see that the 2nd child be delivered at the age of 34 and beyond, and the 3rd will be over 35 which the woman will fall into the high risk category. Exceptions will probably be those delivering twins or triplets.
2. Energy level goes down with age
Those who have children will know that children’s energy levels will always surpass that of their parents. It’s tiring to keep up with the kids’ energy level. From day 1, they demand night feeds which really zap energy like a thirsty hippo. In toddler days, the wobbly walking and head over heels running will keep you on your toes behind them, back bent forwards with arms outstretched to anticipate falls. When they master running, you wonder why they hardly walk anymore. I often imagine XX and YH’s feet fitted with rockets. Whenever we return from my parent’s house for dinner, we have to walk through this long corridor at about 830pm. Then their “rockets” start to propel them down the corridor despite countless fore-warnings to walk quietly. Kel and I wonder if the opposite would happen if we have shouted “RUN! RUN FASTER!”.
3. You may be mistaken as your children’s grandparents
Unless you upkeep your image, you may be mistaken for your children’s granny or grandpa if you are not careful. By the time your youngest child reaches 20 years old, you could be near 60! My parents were already grandparents when they were 50 and 55 years old. But those were the generation of early marriage and parenthood. This would only get worse with each generation procrastinating plan B.
4. Complications in pregnancy and health
There are many risks with getting pregnant beyond the age of 35. Rates of miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy go up with age. In fact, these women will have to go through genetic counselling and genetic testing to screen or diagnose for birth defects. Of course, all pregnancies may come with birth defect risk, but age factor raises this risk substantially. The older you are to get pregnant, the higher the risk of getting chronic disease, such as high blood pressure and diabetes. You can visit babycenter for more information on this.
5. Better handle kids when you are older
This is perhaps the only positive reason I can think of for having children at an older age. Being older may mean that you can handle babies and young children with more patience compared to when you were in your mid-20s. You may be at a more matured mental state to handle crying babies and demanding children and you’ll be able to enjoy your children more. I find myself handling my 3rd baby better than I did when I had my first child. Experience plays a part, but I am calmer and more at ease to face the challenges of child-rearing now than before. Financially, you may be more stable and that eliminates one major stress factor, making plan B more affordable.
Considering the above factors, I think it is good to start plan B as early as possible into your marriage. When I delivered XX, my first child, I was 26, YH when I was 28 and now YT when I was 33. I could feel lots of difference when I was pregnant in my 20s compared to my 30s. The greatest difference was my energy level. It was much lower when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. I got tired easily and was sleepier than before. I was not as agile as my first 2 pregnancies and walked with much difficulties during the last 2 weeks before I delivered. Even the delivery saw me push 4 times before the baby was out compared to 2 times with my other 2.
Have children early and never think that you are not ready for them. The moment the crying newborn is put into your hands, you are a MUM or DAD. There will be no doubt that the baby trusts you entirely for his happiness. If such a little one can trust you, you can do it!
What’s your ideal age for having kids?
My baby’s 9th month achievements
YT is 9 and a half months old now. He is a cute little baby and we always look at him and say “You are the cutest baby in the world!” He loves to clap and never fails to win strangers’ smile.
At 9 mths old, he can crawl finally! He wasn’t too successful with crawling before this month. I was a little worried that he may miss the crawling milestone all together. I always believe that crawling will stimulate the brain as it needs some intelligence and working of the brain to work out the arms and legs coordination to make crawling happens.
He can sit up without help, though not all the time, but improving! In fact, he is starting to discover standing from a sitting position with the help of my arms.
He is now much wary of strangers as stranger anxiety sinks in. He will hold on to me tight and turn his head away whenever someone unfamiliar approaches him too fast. Then he will peep at that person again and again turning his head repeatedly. He is very clingy to me too. When I walk out of the room, he cries immediately. If I walk past him without carrying him, he cries too. When I returned home from work, he opens up his arms wide, waves them in his signature wave and literally flies in his walker to the door for me to pick him up and hug him. At such moments, all tiredness dissipates in the air.
He is eating well with 2 meals and about 4 milk feeds a day. For weekdays, he eats brown rice cereal and fish porridge. On weekends, I give him pureed sweet potato with avocado or sweet potato with steam apples. For his milk feed, he drinks 180ml each time. My breastmilk is dwindling ever since I recovered from my fatigue. Stress really cut down milk supply drastically. Kel says 9 months of breastfeeding should be very sufficient and I have done my part to give YT the best milk already. Now, he only latches on twice a day. I know I will miss the breastfeeding and so will he. Well, I will just document here to remember this.
My baby still wakes up in the middle of the night. Some parenting advice suggest that the baby misses the mummy’s presence in the day and compensates at night by waking up for milk feeds and cuddles. I don’t really mind and just let him be. It feels good to be needed.
YT’s favourite toys are toys that can be chewed on (sounds like a dog). He chews on anything that is within reach. This must be a baby’s way of exploring new things. He chews on toys, chews on books, chews on his favourite bolster. He likes to turn an object upside down and explore at all angles too.
His sister and brother play with him everyday. They simply love playing with him. This is great joy to me. Each time I encounter some depressing incidents at work, I will always think of my baby’s smile and my children’s laughter. It always soothes me and I feel much better after that. My children are truly my life!
I look forward to YT’s next milestone and look forward to every evening. Will update again on his next milestone!