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Wrapping Up 2018 – Relationship Matters

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few days time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few hours time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

At Work

Work is slow and stagnant for 2018. There are so many interpretations of what deems a successful person career-wise. Opportunity has not knocked on my door this year. Luck plays a part. So, this year I have no such luck. But in terms of EQ (Emotional Quotient), I gained a fair bit. The trying times gave me plenty of practices on how to deal with difficult people and situation. It is not without tears and frustrations. I get to know myself better too. I know that I work best under stress. I work collaboratively and I love working with people! To sum up my learning at work: There is always a positive takeaway in the worst of situations and for me, gaining higher EQ is my greatest asset for this year.

At Home – House chores

House chores reflections sound weird. But ever since I am maidless for a year, I admit that sometimes I wish that I still have an extra pair of hands. I am not a supermum. I am tired when I come home from work and the last thing I want to do is really NOT having to wash dishes and clean up the house. I want to relax and have more time to play with the kids. But since the family decision was made to be maidless, I like to think of the positive side of doing the chores together with the kids. Apart from the many benefits I had shared about going maidless, there are two truths to it: One is that my kids do help out, the other truth is that the kids are humans and being humans, they have their moods and preference to do chores at their own time and pace. I cannot expect them to do at beck and call every single time or expect them to help out automatically all the time. That leads me to do most of the chores simply because I want the chores to be done quickly and it is easier to do it myself than to nag at others to complete the same thing.

For a year now, we do have some sort of routine. Not perfect, but good on some days. The kids learnt to be more independent and certainly no chance to rely on a maid to pick up after them. These are good survival skills and self-reliant skills that will stay with them forever. I have told my kids, I don’t want them to have the excuse of saying, “My mum did not teach me how to wash clothes or mop the floor!”

Missy at School

For the past year, Missy grew taller, smarter, and gained lots of leadership skills. I have kind of sum up her learning in her neighbourhood Secondary School here. She has yet to give me much disciplinary problems as with teen-hood although I can see some healthy signs of rebellion coming up. Does the word healthy and rebellious even exist in the same sentence? Yes, I believe some healthy rebellious behaviour is part of growing up and emerging character traits. It provides opportunities to tread on turbulent waters and learn. When the time comes, I hope I will be a cool mum to handle her growing up pains and challenges. After all, she is a kind and sensible girl, and I hope I will be a kind and sensible mum to go through this growing up phase with her patiently.

No. 2 at School

No. 2 proved to be paying attention and learning well in class and hence, lessen much home learning burden on both of us. However, there were quite many conflicts between us on tackling middle-child syndrome, my overly and unnecessary concern and tussle over his homework and nagging. It drains my energy and strains our relationship. I need to let go and trust him to take charge of his learning. It irritates me when I see that he is always so relaxed while all his friends are not. Come the new year will be his PSLE year. Should I let go or be concerned? I need to trust No. 2 more. It certainly sounds like I am the problem child here. How do I let go??

No. 3 at School

This year marks the end of pre-school days for my youngest! Next year on, we will have 3 school-going kids. Routine will change again. No. 3 develops lots of social skills in school. He is not reserved anymore and from the look of it, too nice to everyone. This is what makes him so endearing too. I hope no one abuses his trust and bullies him in Primary School. Even if he encounters bullies, it will be good exposure to toughen him up from the experiences. No. 3 is a very independent kid who picks up after himself. We are very impressed! I hope he stays such a darling and makes many friends in school.

Family Trips

We have been to 2 family trips and 3 staycations this year. We went to Bali with the kids and went to Taiwan in our group of nine with parents, in-laws and kids. We make it a point to travel with our parents together simply because every one of us looks forward to our yearly trip. Family trips are always full of jokes and laughter! We might be richer without this annual huge travel expenditure, but Kel and I would not trade more money in the bank for the experiences of bringing our parents and kids to see the world together. How many more years can we bring everyone to travel together? While our parents are still healthy and able to travel, and our kids are still eager to follow us around, we will be spending within our means to keep this highly anticipated family travel as long as we can.

Friends

In this year alone, I form many new friendships, mainly in my company. That is pretty amazing to find friends beyond work. My dinner appointments are quite fully packed as a result. The kids are older now and are able to stay home for a few hours without me. They know that Mummy stays in touch with friends although they are not too happy about home alone in the evening. Hence, I try to keep the weekends free just for family time.

We have hosted less dinners in our house since the maid left. Partly because I am too tired to clean up till the wee hours. But some traditional hosting will not be forgone and are highly anticipated. Our annual Christmas cum New Year party at our house with my best friend’s family is one of the highlights of the year. This year, Kel cooked his famous Hokkien mee, acclaimed to be the best in Singapore by almost everyone who had tried and he made super crispy roast pork. To top it up, we had Mao Shan Wang durians delivered to our house! So convenient and of premium quality, check here for their service if you need a durian fix or feast! (Quote “kidsrsimple” for a $7 off your first order!)

Myself and the coming big 4

Heyhey! I was not planning to reveal my age! But somehow I feel that the big 4-0 is a gracious age to acknowledge proudly. At every stage, there is some focus in life. At my current stage of life, relationship matters most to me. Be it family, friends, marriage, or myself, I treasure dearly. Close knitted family and friends make me complete. Maintaining good relationship with all my family, extended family and friends, is perhaps, my most accomplished and proud thing that I have done right. It takes effort, patience, love and a big heart to bring the family close together. It is certainly not just my individual efforts, it requires everyone’s open heart to achieve it.

I have started to practise Gratitude. Each night, I will spend 5 minutes to jot down what I am grateful for that day. It helps me to feel and think positively and has benefited me in many ways. I am using the mobile app called 365 Gratitude. If you have not tried this, you should.

Healthwise, I am keeping up with some regular exercise every week – Pilates and Kickboxing. I hope to resume jogging when my new routine in the new school year is more settled. So currently, I try to clock my 10,000 steps everyday by walking to and fro the MRT station and climbing stairs! The Healthy 365 app from HPB is really not bad in motivating me with small treats and games.

Reading, to me, is a long lost love. I am just too happy to have found it again. This year I have read 8 books. Not as many as I had wanted but good to be keeping it up! Here is my booklist of 2018:

Kite Runner – by Khaled Hosseini
And the Mountains Echoed – by Khaled Hosseini
Every Last Lie – by Mary Kubica
Opening the Door of Your Heart – by Ajahn Brahm
The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking – by Chris Anderson
Kiss Kiss – by Roald Dahl
The Good Girl – by Mary Kubica
A Place for Us – by Fatima Farheen Mirza

This sums up my 2018 year: A normal, mundane life of a working mum 🙂

Happy New Year 2019 to my family, friends and my dear readers! Hope the new year will be a great one for everyone!

Finding My Balance In Life

I have been pretty quiet on the blog. There are only 4 blog posts since the start of this year. My presence on social media is diminishing. Forgive me if I have not been responding to your queries on the blog promptly. Forgive me if I have not been up to date with your lives. I don’t think I am having a mid-life crisis, but just trying hard to regain my balance in life. I have limited energy everyday. I am totally drained when I hit the bed. I don’t know how my friends can watch K dramas and play mobile games. I don’t know how other mum bloggers can be so up-to-date with the latest news and gossips and instagram feeds. Maybe they treasure their me-time more than me and are not such a worry-pot like me. Oh, fretting over the house chores and children are lethal combination to one’s energy. I wish I can let go of my ‘Mum-have-it-all” self and worry less.

It has been 6 months since the helper left. To say the truth, sometimes, I secretly wish that I still have a helper to ease my house chores and gain some precious hours, with it, energy. This is especially so whenever I see that the dust piled up at corners, a forever untidy common table, the dirty chores which I am not keen to do like washing toilets and dealing with household pests. Well, I employed part-time cleaners to my house once a week and none of them could stay on. Maybe I am too fussy but we all think that our house may be too messy for these choosy cleaners. I may have to start decluttering my house first and clean up before I get these cleaners to start work. So, who will pay me to do that? Even good cleaners are hard to come by these days. Hence, I decided to stop engaging them for a while.

The decision to be helper-less is here to stay. The encouraging side is seeing that the kids no longer take things for granted. It is heartwarming to hear them say “Thank you” whenever I help them do their chores on days that they are busy with homework. The nagging still goes on to correct some bad habits, but it is getting better. I am always sweaty and sticky most of the time after house chores. The kids comment on that but they still hug and kiss me. Such gestures warm my heart.

Some nights, I lose it. I teared too. This is usually triggered by the kids’ squabbles. I know it is part and parcel of growing up, but it drains me completely when there is no peace in the house. When all are shouting at the top of their voice, I feel like a lousy mum. I hate it when I cry because it shows that I am not strong in front of the kids. With the sudden dam breaking, all the daytime frustrations at work dealing with conflicts and backstabs seem to ride on the wave to hit me fast and furious. I feel totally breathless.

Are you a parent who is chill about the kids’ homework? I thought I am but I am not. Although as much as I like to be laid-back, I hardly can contain my worries when I see that my elder boy is so cool about his homework and exams. It must be a boy’s thing, to be so chill about it. I know if I leave him alone, he will do just fine. So, it boils down to my insistence on my ways of finishing homework early and be worry-free for play later on. Apparently, Master 11 does not think so, and he much much prefers to play to his heart’s content before he starts his homework at the eleventh hour, often past his bedtime on most nights. Yes, he will do fine, but isn’t this a compromise for his sleeping time? Should I intervene or let him be? I am still learning to deal with the middle child.

Despite all these energy drainers in my after work hours, I try to squeeze in time to connect with people who matter to me most. The first person to pay attention to, is myself. I read continuously to improve myself, gain knowledge and unwind. I resume my running and exercising to keep myself fit. I maintain my healthy diet as much as I can to keep in good health and good shape. One thing I do lesser is blogging. I need more sleep and choose to go to bed than to keep up on blogging. I am not regretting this because I have too many other things to do that matter more. Hence, for now, while I am finding my balance, I will only blog when the mood comes or to meet some blog commitment. I hope my readers will bear with me for now as I pay more attention to do the other things I love.

The other people to pay attention to is, of course, my family. A lunch date with my mum is often rejuvenating. So is a nice dinner and good conversation with my hubby, away from everyday mundane on-goings. I treasure 1-on-1 dates with the kids once in a while. And I try to meet up good friends and ex-colleagues-turn-friends as much as possible too. The effort to maintain good human relationship is worth it because having good relationship with people who matter makes me a blessed and happy person.

With so many things on my plate, I wish I have more time for the kids and myself. Am I allocating the right proportion of time correctly? Sometimes I have self-doubts about me being a good mum. I may be too ambitious to try to have it all. Right now, I am still trying to find a balance. I am sure eventually I will get there. Wish me luck.

Crossing to 2018 – Discovering Myself

2017 is over and it had been a terribly busy and hectic year. However, that also means that I have discovered many things about myself that I never noticed about and all these good and bad experiences will be added to the many grandma stories to be told to the kids and grandkids in future. Haha, I think and prep myself far ahead, don’t I?

Through various opportunities, I have discovered some aspects of myself which I never knew about. I discovered my capabilities. I discovered my strengths. I discovered my weaknesses. I discovered my likes. I discovered my dislikes.

You may be laughing at me about me knowing so little about myself at this mid-life period. I guess, when someone is approaching 40s, there are some new things you learnt along the way and internalised to be your abilities and interests and some things that you know very well whether you are confident enough to accept or reject.

Discovering Myself At Work
The first time I heard someone tell me that I have more confidence than I know about it, I laughed it away. And that person insisted it was my blind spot. And after that, I begin to take the compliment seriously. It was not just one person, but more people telling it to me in one way or another. Perhaps, as an Asian, it is humble to not acknowledge your strengths and as a result, I have never knew myself exuding so much confidence that it actually became threats to others in the workplace. It is a good feeling to know that I am portraying myself as a confident person and my first thought goes to the kids’ impression of me. It will be good that they see their mummy as a confident woman, especially to my girl. I hope I am a smart, intelligent and confident woman whom she would like to role model after.

Unfortunately, in workplace, things may not be rosy as a result of this confidence I have. I brushed feathers, caused anxiety and ended up with sour relations with a handful. But, I also gained compliments, affirmation and forged friendships with others. As much as I try to stay low profile, I seem to remain in the bad books of some. I cannot help it and hence have to live with it. All these make me stronger and gave me many opportunities to hone my EQ skills. I think I am thankful for people who make me stronger albeit in unpleasant ways. Even at such unwelcome situations, I am glad that I find positive takeaways!

Discovering Myself as a Teacher
If you had followed our PSLE journey, I had been a tutor to my Missy and brought up all her subjects by 2 grades from P6 SA1 to PSLE. I will not take all the credit to myself because without a cooperative Missy, this could not have happened.

Teaching Missy has taught me lots of things. It made me more patient than ever, but still there is room to improve. It proved to me that I was able to put my mind to do something well against all odds and criticism as long as I believe in myself. Believing in oneself is powerful. Just like what I always tell my kids: If you think you are able to do it, you can. Your mind can control your capability as long as you set your mind to do it.

So, it was a hectic PSLE year that sees me learn the P6 syllabus, craft revision and teaching methods and then teach at the same time within a short 9 months period. Nothing can be achieved if not for the strong support of my family together with the strong belief in me from my hub and kids that gave me the strength to bite the bullet to success. It was really unbelievable now that I look back at the past year.

Discovering Myself Through House Chores
Ever since my helper went back for good, we have been helperless for 2 months. Despite everyone’s well-meant advice that I should continue to employ another helper for my sanity, I guess I was stubborn enough to decide otherwise. Just like my insistence on not employing tutors for my kids, I was determined that I can do the house chores together with my kids, and for long term. After all, it was not so long ago that we never had helpers till 3 years back. Now that the kids are all 3 years older, it should be rightfully easier than before.

Doing house chores really does help in strengthening one’s health. I feel it is true! I have been much busier at home doing lots of chores on my own. I feel I am being brought out of my comfort zone and forced to yield my physical and mental strength to ensure our household is run on clockwork.

Some things have to be sacrificed like lesser me-time and blogging time. I am forced to juggle work, household, quality time with kids, me-time and self-care at the same time. I am still fine-tuning and learning. I believe without a helper, it benefits everyone in the family. The kids are so much more independent than before! Through their help, I discovered their characters too. Each has his/her own strengths and weaknesses. I am able to use the opportunity to correct bad habits and train independence. All these are intangibles that, I am glad, come at the right time while the kids can still be moulded and trained. It is worth it to sacrifice my hardship to gain all these!

Discovering My Likes
I was never a bookworm when I was young. Somehow, starting from 2 years back, I began to enjoy reading. Becoming a parent has also opened the door wide to reading classics I missed in my childhood and rejuvenates my interest in books from the past. This year, I discovered the gems of Classics and I am happy to have read 11 books in 2017 😃

1) Beyond The Tiger Mom by Maya Thiagarajan
2) The Call of The Wild by Jack London
3) The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
4) Girls Uninterrupted by Tanith Carey
5) To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
6) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
7) How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn
8) Screens and Teens by Kathy Koch
9) Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
10) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
11) Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

I make it a point to jot down each book that I read. I try to introduce good books to the kids too. I hope they will gain their interest in books eventually. Now, they are reading books slowly, and need prompting now and then. I believe one day they will find a whole wide world in books when they find their reading interest!

Discovering My Family
2017 is a year of relationship building. We have lots of opportunities to forge stronger ties through hosting dinners and attending family dinners regularly. At the crossing of 2017 to 2018, all of us have love for one another! I am talking about our parents, in-laws, siblings, siblings-in-laws and siblings’ kids. I can’t be happier with our family bliss. Family is really everything that we need in life. Building good relationships with every family member is not easy at all. It takes everyone’s magnanimity and open hearts to accept one another’s differences and faults. It takes everyone to look beyond misunderstandings and doubts. It takes everyone’s efforts to meet and create opportunities for get-togethers. I hope that we can continue to enjoy such family harmony into 2018 and beyond!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone’s heart is filled with love and magnanimity too!

Ending June 2017 with…

I missed my “Ending May with…” last month due to high workload at work and examination preparation with the kids. I went on a business travel on the first day of school holidays to many heartaches. Blogging had to take a back seat. Well, as a FTWM, I guess I learnt to juggle comfortably with multiple roles daily in work, blog, kids, home and self-care. Each is important to me in different ways and perhaps all these put together make my life more fulfilling and endurable when life has a purpose. However, not all days are rosy and I do drop the balls every now and then. On times like this, family and friends are my main emotional support and encouragement. I am just too blessed to have them with me.

Missy 12 and revision

This topic continues… Missy 12 received many positive feedback on her attitude towards learning from her teachers during the Parent-Teacher meeting. Every one of her teachers praised her discipline and eagerness towards academic and leadership. They all agree that she should do alright in PSLE. I agree too. We do not have expectations to start with, hence, any improvement from now to Prelims and improvement from Prelims to PSLE, I am happy. I just have a wish that she enters the school of her choice which she very much wants to go.

Our revision in June is not as intensive as what her friends are going through. Ask her if she is stressed, she still says “No” which I am relieved. However, come July, I am pretty sure her school will load lots to prepare for Prelim in first week August and she will start feeling stressful, especially she has a piano exam in July too. But we will manage.

We still continue our night revision, although they are no longer just #30minrevision. During school holidays, we can do longer hours. We drafted a revision schedule on what topic to study and papers to do from now till Prelim. We do not want to overload and get Missy 12 burnt out before Prelim and PSLE, hence, it is important to moderate the intensity and duration appropriately. The main subjects to focus on are Math, Science and English. Math and Science take up much more time. Through Marshall Cavendish Science Workshop which I am attending right now (will be blogging on that soon!), we learnt about journaling and that got Missy very motivated to study Science. I am so thankful to the trainer.

Separation Anxiety strikes again

Oh, sometimes I think I suffer Separation Anxiety more than the children do. It struck twice for these 2 months. First one was when I was leaving for the airport for my business trip. The kids saw me off to the car and could not control their tears. I was holding back furiously too. But the moment the car turned out of sight, I started to tear. And I teared again when I entered the Departure Hall and waved to Kel. You must be rolling your eyes now. But I am that emotional.

The second time was when Master 10 went off for his 3D2N camp. I knew the camp would be fun and he would certainly enjoy very much with the company of his friends. Perhaps he is now much mature and grown up, I did not sense any separation anxiety in him. I missed him so much and found out that the mummies in the same chatgroup all missed their kids too. Some even drove to the camp site to peek and each day we tested our instinct and eyesight by spotting our kids in the shared camp photos updated on website. I often wondered how I can take it when Master 10 goes to Army 8 years later.

Fun Times

Mums hardly rest, do they? Even while I was busy preparing for my business trip, I needed to plan to ensure the household can run smoothly without my presence. I planned for activities prior to my trip and ensured my hub made them happen. I packed for Cold Storage Kids Run, Dads and Child Camp, scribbled fetch timings to and from school for school holiday activities, standby piano fees for teachers, assigned home revision for Missy 12, planned marketing, planned playdates, staycation, etc, etc, etc. And I was only away for 10 days.

So off the hub and Master 10 went to the Dads camp which was really a bonding session for them. The camp was fun except for the very warm night in the tent under the Singapore Flyer. It was more of an Army camp and they ate ration packs, went for rifle shooting, survival skills and lots more. Master 10 enjoyed the overnight camp.

We went for Safra Open House and tried on Canopy Walk and zip line which both became good training for our Bedok Forest Adventure Kids Course and Master 10’s school camp which had the similar obstacle course.

There were a lot more outings to the ice-skating rink at Jcube, Museum hopping, Amazonia indoor playground, BASF Lab, Forest Adventure, a staycation, Concert, a play and numerous playdates. We still have weekly bonding session with the grandparents for breakfast and frequent family home-cooked dinners at home. It was a good June holidays.

Despite an easy peasy challenge in Kids Course, the kids proclaimed today’s adventure as one of their best activities in June hols! No wonder.. when they get to have fun together with their besties 🙂 We are looking forward to doing the Grand course as a family when the littlest reaches 150cm height. But that will be 7 years later 😉 Till then, we will be back for Junior course! #kidsrsimple #bedokforestadventure #forestadventuresg #kidscourse #schoolholidaysactivities #juneholidaysactivities #sgblogger @forestadventuresg

A post shared by Kids R Simple (@kidsrsimple) on Jun 26, 2017 at 2:35am PDT

Mummy learns…

I have not given up on my appetite for reading. I am catching up on books and although a little slow, at least I am now reading my 5th book for this year, To Kill A Mocking Bird. A fantastic book that I had lots to learn from the characters and the author’s beautiful English language. I must remind myself to introduce this book to my kids to learn precious values like Respect, Standing strong by values in averse situation, Righteousness, and much more.

The whole NS/EW train line is down! 😣 Thankfully I have this book to accompany on my long hour trip! Catching up on this famous book which I must remind myself to let the kids read. What strikes me most at this halfway read is how Atticus as a father teaches so much precious values to his 2 kids in RESPECT amid all the frowned upon social stigma, old cultural norms. [Book 5 of 2017] #kidsrsimplereads #kidsrsimple #readingisaluxury #kidsrsimplegoodreads #nlbsg #nlb #reading #harperlee #tokillamockingbird

A post shared by Kids R Simple (@kidsrsimple) on Jun 28, 2017 at 3:05am PDT

I am also attending classes too. I had attended a cooking class, attended Marshall Cavendish PSLE Science Workshop for Parents for 2 Saturdays in my quest for knowledge on coaching my Missy. I went for a Will-Writing seminar which was really entertaining and informative. I find gaining knowledge never stops at any age. It gives me the ability to tell stories and impart wisdom to my children.

[Not sponsored] A very entertaining talk on Will Writing! If you are married with kids and leave without a will, your parents run in the risk of getting nought from you and you shall be giving your spouse’s remarried partner 50% of your wealth! If you and spouse leave without a will, your kids may suffer at the hands of the guardians that are not chosen by you. So.. to have a will or not? I think the ans is obvious 🙂 And best thing is: it doesn’t cost much to have a will done! This talk is into its 4th session in 4 months and always sold out! You may like to go to @soulwealthygroup fb page to read up more on will writing. Btw, this is not a sponsored post, just sharing good knowledge! If you wish to have a will done or simply to find out more, PM me and I can share my trusted contact with you 🙂 . #kidsrsimple @financialliance #soulwealthygroup #willwriting #financial #seminar #financialplanning #sgmum #sgblog #sgblogger

A post shared by Kids R Simple (@kidsrsimple) on Jun 28, 2017 at 6:31pm PDT

So, I am ending June 2017 with… lots of play before the big exams arrive!!!

Seriously I am not so looking forward to the next 3 months due to the exam preparation. Even though compared to many, many out there, we are really taking it in our stride, and not competing with anyone else in revision speed or trying hard to make my money spent on assessment books worth. Much conscious effort is being made to moderate study stress and how much Missy can absorb or cope everyday. I don’t think she feel that her mummy is actually more stress than her because I make a good effort to shield my anxiety from her. Where does my anxiety come from? Frankly speaking, I blame myself partly for not catching her when she lagged behind in P3 and P4. Hence, I put lots of effort trying to bring her up to standard and my wish is that she does well enough to enter her dream school. I hope come end of the year, I can proudly say that she made it. But if she doesn’t, she still gets the BEST EFFORT AWARD from me, from her Daddy, and from our whole family.

How did your June go? 🙂

Mommy’s Guilt for Travelling Without Kids

When it comes to travelling without the kids, I am not that cool. I have my guilty moments. It was hard when I first traveled for my business trip solo to the US and Canada, braving through the tears of the little ones every night counting down to the trip, so much such that I did some preparatory work before and during the trip to make me and my kids feel better. You can read about what I did over here.

Recently a conversation with my mum brings out the guilt in me which I was trying so hard to suppress. She told me that times have changed. Couples nowadays (she is referring to me and my hubby) will choose to travel on holidays without the kids while such couple trips were almost unheard of during my parents’ times. If parents in those days were to travel for holidays, they would bring their kids along. Not that my parents did that since we were not well-to-do to travel. But you get the idea.

We were lucky to have supportive parents even though they may not agree on our couple trips. In fact, we have been to several such trips in the past:

After my first born, Kel and I traveled to Taiwan for a couple holiday.

After my second born, Kel and I traveled on a cruise and a couple more short trips to nearby Batam resorts.

After my third born, we stop travelling without kids because we think that it will be hard on our parents to care for 3 young children. Hence, we decide to wait till the youngest is older and easier to care for before we resume our couple holidays.

In between, we travel separately for business, incentive and girls’ trip, but there will always be one of us at home with the kids. And knowing that one spouse is at home with them, the other one can travel with a peace of mind without worrying if the grandparents are coping well with minding the little ones.

When it comes to travelling without the kids, I am definitely no cool mama. I have my guilty moments, and plenty of that. It was hard when I first traveled for my business trip solo to the US and Canada, braving through the tears of the little ones every night counting down to the trip. I had to do some preparatory work before and during the trip to make me and my kids feel better. You can read about what I did over here.

For the first couple trip, it was not easy for me to leave my eldest with the grandparents, and I had to bring along one of her two favourite bolsters and hug it every night in the hotel. We called home using the calling card every night (those were the days without facetime and internet calls). It was a little harder on the second and subsequent trips when we had to leave 2 children at home with one more little one to miss. It is even harder to leave 3 kids now to do the same.

So after a hiatus of about 6 years, Kel and I have finally decided that our kids are older now and easier to leave with the grandparents, and about the right time to have a short getaway to recharge, reconnect, enjoy a holiday which is really planned for ourselves. Well, we only booked our trip after we had our parents’ support to take care of the kids.

Choosing the getaway dates

There was much consideration this time round. I had to choose a period when the elder kids had finished their examinations as I wanted to be there to help with their revision during their papers. I had to ensure the dates are during school days because if they are in school during daytime, they will not miss us too much and caregivers need not handle 3 kids for long hours. The dates should not touch weekends because I want to spend time with them on weekends, ferrying them to their art and piano classes. This means that I have to take weekdays off from work.

Every aspect was taken care of, including ensuring school pocket money was topped up in their wallets, breakfast preparation, lots of pep talk to the littlest one, etc, etc.

Reactions from the kids

And so we left for the getaway and back to see the following reactions from the kids during this period:

Missy 11 was wishing us an enjoyable trip and looking forward to many gifts for her and her brothers. But on the morning of departure, which she told me later on, that she silently wept after I saw her to school.

Master 9 asked me why we did not bring them along for this trip. I felt a lump in my throat at this question but I tried my best to explain that Papa and Mummy wanted to have some couple time to ourselves. Subsequent days of calling home, I felt worse when he showed no interest to talk to me through facetime.

Master 4 seemed to understand when I told him for 3 nights, he would have 2 grandmas to take turns to keep him company during bedtime. But when we were overseas, every evening, he would asked his grandpa why Papa and Mummy had not returned after 7pm.

All these tore at my heart.

If it is so hard, why do we still do it?

Benefits of couple retreat

Some will say that we are selfish, but I believe on the benefits of reconnecting with my other half for a short time.
1. We believe that we can do things we love as a couple without waiting for the kids are older to pursue our interests.
2. It is important for us to rekindle the fire in us without minding the little ones. When the parents are happy, kids will be happy too.
3. It is also a good chance for the children to bond with the grandparents every night.

The benefits as written are not a long list, but really, the main reason is to reconnect as a couple free of little ones’ screams, naps, restricted itinerary.

Now that we are back from our 4D3N Bangkok trip, I realized that I really missed them very much. Every interesting thing I saw on the street, I would think of bringing them to the same place to see what I saw. Every shopping trip was really to buy gifts for them to make them happy and compensate for not bringing them with us. I realized that I had to be extra careful and take really good care of ourselves so that we return safely to the kids. And on the last day of the trip, I was looking forward to seeing them back home.

While we were away, the elder kids wrote diary entries to me. I had told them to do so if they missed us. What they wrote touched me very much and it was really sweet to read their thoughts. And Master 9 was really sweet in his penned down words even though he did not talk much to us when we called home.

If you ask me if I would travel on the next couple trip without the kids, I may really hesitate. Perhaps, it would be good to wait till the kids are in their teens before I can travel without guilt.

Do you feel guilty like me when you travel without the kids?