Mummy Diaries Archives - Kids 'R' Simple

Wrapping Up 2018 – Relationship Matters

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few days time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few hours time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

At Work

Work is slow and stagnant for 2018. There are so many interpretations of what deems a successful person career-wise. Opportunity has not knocked on my door this year. Luck plays a part. So, this year I have no such luck. But in terms of EQ (Emotional Quotient), I gained a fair bit. The trying times gave me plenty of practices on how to deal with difficult people and situation. It is not without tears and frustrations. I get to know myself better too. I know that I work best under stress. I work collaboratively and I love working with people! To sum up my learning at work: There is always a positive takeaway in the worst of situations and for me, gaining higher EQ is my greatest asset for this year.

At Home – House chores

House chores reflections sound weird. But ever since I am maidless for a year, I admit that sometimes I wish that I still have an extra pair of hands. I am not a supermum. I am tired when I come home from work and the last thing I want to do is really NOT having to wash dishes and clean up the house. I want to relax and have more time to play with the kids. But since the family decision was made to be maidless, I like to think of the positive side of doing the chores together with the kids. Apart from the many benefits I had shared about going maidless, there are two truths to it: One is that my kids do help out, the other truth is that the kids are humans and being humans, they have their moods and preference to do chores at their own time and pace. I cannot expect them to do at beck and call every single time or expect them to help out automatically all the time. That leads me to do most of the chores simply because I want the chores to be done quickly and it is easier to do it myself than to nag at others to complete the same thing.

For a year now, we do have some sort of routine. Not perfect, but good on some days. The kids learnt to be more independent and certainly no chance to rely on a maid to pick up after them. These are good survival skills and self-reliant skills that will stay with them forever. I have told my kids, I don’t want them to have the excuse of saying, “My mum did not teach me how to wash clothes or mop the floor!”

Missy at School

For the past year, Missy grew taller, smarter, and gained lots of leadership skills. I have kind of sum up her learning in her neighbourhood Secondary School here. She has yet to give me much disciplinary problems as with teen-hood although I can see some healthy signs of rebellion coming up. Does the word healthy and rebellious even exist in the same sentence? Yes, I believe some healthy rebellious behaviour is part of growing up and emerging character traits. It provides opportunities to tread on turbulent waters and learn. When the time comes, I hope I will be a cool mum to handle her growing up pains and challenges. After all, she is a kind and sensible girl, and I hope I will be a kind and sensible mum to go through this growing up phase with her patiently.

No. 2 at School

No. 2 proved to be paying attention and learning well in class and hence, lessen much home learning burden on both of us. However, there were quite many conflicts between us on tackling middle-child syndrome, my overly and unnecessary concern and tussle over his homework and nagging. It drains my energy and strains our relationship. I need to let go and trust him to take charge of his learning. It irritates me when I see that he is always so relaxed while all his friends are not. Come the new year will be his PSLE year. Should I let go or be concerned? I need to trust No. 2 more. It certainly sounds like I am the problem child here. How do I let go??

No. 3 at School

This year marks the end of pre-school days for my youngest! Next year on, we will have 3 school-going kids. Routine will change again. No. 3 develops lots of social skills in school. He is not reserved anymore and from the look of it, too nice to everyone. This is what makes him so endearing too. I hope no one abuses his trust and bullies him in Primary School. Even if he encounters bullies, it will be good exposure to toughen him up from the experiences. No. 3 is a very independent kid who picks up after himself. We are very impressed! I hope he stays such a darling and makes many friends in school.

Family Trips

We have been to 2 family trips and 3 staycations this year. We went to Bali with the kids and went to Taiwan in our group of nine with parents, in-laws and kids. We make it a point to travel with our parents together simply because every one of us looks forward to our yearly trip. Family trips are always full of jokes and laughter! We might be richer without this annual huge travel expenditure, but Kel and I would not trade more money in the bank for the experiences of bringing our parents and kids to see the world together. How many more years can we bring everyone to travel together? While our parents are still healthy and able to travel, and our kids are still eager to follow us around, we will be spending within our means to keep this highly anticipated family travel as long as we can.

Friends

In this year alone, I form many new friendships, mainly in my company. That is pretty amazing to find friends beyond work. My dinner appointments are quite fully packed as a result. The kids are older now and are able to stay home for a few hours without me. They know that Mummy stays in touch with friends although they are not too happy about home alone in the evening. Hence, I try to keep the weekends free just for family time.

We have hosted less dinners in our house since the maid left. Partly because I am too tired to clean up till the wee hours. But some traditional hosting will not be forgone and are highly anticipated. Our annual Christmas cum New Year party at our house with my best friend’s family is one of the highlights of the year. This year, Kel cooked his famous Hokkien mee, acclaimed to be the best in Singapore by almost everyone who had tried and he made super crispy roast pork. To top it up, we had Mao Shan Wang durians delivered to our house! So convenient and of premium quality, check here for their service if you need a durian fix or feast! (Quote “kidsrsimple” for a $7 off your first order!)

Myself and the coming big 4

Heyhey! I was not planning to reveal my age! But somehow I feel that the big 4-0 is a gracious age to acknowledge proudly. At every stage, there is some focus in life. At my current stage of life, relationship matters most to me. Be it family, friends, marriage, or myself, I treasure dearly. Close knitted family and friends make me complete. Maintaining good relationship with all my family, extended family and friends, is perhaps, my most accomplished and proud thing that I have done right. It takes effort, patience, love and a big heart to bring the family close together. It is certainly not just my individual efforts, it requires everyone’s open heart to achieve it.

I have started to practise Gratitude. Each night, I will spend 5 minutes to jot down what I am grateful for that day. It helps me to feel and think positively and has benefited me in many ways. I am using the mobile app called 365 Gratitude. If you have not tried this, you should.

Healthwise, I am keeping up with some regular exercise every week – Pilates and Kickboxing. I hope to resume jogging when my new routine in the new school year is more settled. So currently, I try to clock my 10,000 steps everyday by walking to and fro the MRT station and climbing stairs! The Healthy 365 app from HPB is really not bad in motivating me with small treats and games.

Reading, to me, is a long lost love. I am just too happy to have found it again. This year I have read 8 books. Not as many as I had wanted but good to be keeping it up! Here is my booklist of 2018:

Kite Runner – by Khaled Hosseini
And the Mountains Echoed – by Khaled Hosseini
Every Last Lie – by Mary Kubica
Opening the Door of Your Heart – by Ajahn Brahm
The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking – by Chris Anderson
Kiss Kiss – by Roald Dahl
The Good Girl – by Mary Kubica
A Place for Us – by Fatima Farheen Mirza

This sums up my 2018 year: A normal, mundane life of a working mum 🙂

Happy New Year 2019 to my family, friends and my dear readers! Hope the new year will be a great one for everyone!

Finding My Balance In Life

I have been pretty quiet on the blog. There are only 4 blog posts since the start of this year. My presence on social media is diminishing. Forgive me if I have not been responding to your queries on the blog promptly. Forgive me if I have not been up to date with your lives. I don’t think I am having a mid-life crisis, but just trying hard to regain my balance in life. I have limited energy everyday. I am totally drained when I hit the bed. I don’t know how my friends can watch K dramas and play mobile games. I don’t know how other mum bloggers can be so up-to-date with the latest news and gossips and instagram feeds. Maybe they treasure their me-time more than me and are not such a worry-pot like me. Oh, fretting over the house chores and children are lethal combination to one’s energy. I wish I can let go of my ‘Mum-have-it-all” self and worry less.

It has been 6 months since the helper left. To say the truth, sometimes, I secretly wish that I still have a helper to ease my house chores and gain some precious hours, with it, energy. This is especially so whenever I see that the dust piled up at corners, a forever untidy common table, the dirty chores which I am not keen to do like washing toilets and dealing with household pests. Well, I employed part-time cleaners to my house once a week and none of them could stay on. Maybe I am too fussy but we all think that our house may be too messy for these choosy cleaners. I may have to start decluttering my house first and clean up before I get these cleaners to start work. So, who will pay me to do that? Even good cleaners are hard to come by these days. Hence, I decided to stop engaging them for a while.

The decision to be helper-less is here to stay. The encouraging side is seeing that the kids no longer take things for granted. It is heartwarming to hear them say “Thank you” whenever I help them do their chores on days that they are busy with homework. The nagging still goes on to correct some bad habits, but it is getting better. I am always sweaty and sticky most of the time after house chores. The kids comment on that but they still hug and kiss me. Such gestures warm my heart.

Some nights, I lose it. I teared too. This is usually triggered by the kids’ squabbles. I know it is part and parcel of growing up, but it drains me completely when there is no peace in the house. When all are shouting at the top of their voice, I feel like a lousy mum. I hate it when I cry because it shows that I am not strong in front of the kids. With the sudden dam breaking, all the daytime frustrations at work dealing with conflicts and backstabs seem to ride on the wave to hit me fast and furious. I feel totally breathless.

Are you a parent who is chill about the kids’ homework? I thought I am but I am not. Although as much as I like to be laid-back, I hardly can contain my worries when I see that my elder boy is so cool about his homework and exams. It must be a boy’s thing, to be so chill about it. I know if I leave him alone, he will do just fine. So, it boils down to my insistence on my ways of finishing homework early and be worry-free for play later on. Apparently, Master 11 does not think so, and he much much prefers to play to his heart’s content before he starts his homework at the eleventh hour, often past his bedtime on most nights. Yes, he will do fine, but isn’t this a compromise for his sleeping time? Should I intervene or let him be? I am still learning to deal with the middle child.

Despite all these energy drainers in my after work hours, I try to squeeze in time to connect with people who matter to me most. The first person to pay attention to, is myself. I read continuously to improve myself, gain knowledge and unwind. I resume my running and exercising to keep myself fit. I maintain my healthy diet as much as I can to keep in good health and good shape. One thing I do lesser is blogging. I need more sleep and choose to go to bed than to keep up on blogging. I am not regretting this because I have too many other things to do that matter more. Hence, for now, while I am finding my balance, I will only blog when the mood comes or to meet some blog commitment. I hope my readers will bear with me for now as I pay more attention to do the other things I love.

The other people to pay attention to is, of course, my family. A lunch date with my mum is often rejuvenating. So is a nice dinner and good conversation with my hubby, away from everyday mundane on-goings. I treasure 1-on-1 dates with the kids once in a while. And I try to meet up good friends and ex-colleagues-turn-friends as much as possible too. The effort to maintain good human relationship is worth it because having good relationship with people who matter makes me a blessed and happy person.

With so many things on my plate, I wish I have more time for the kids and myself. Am I allocating the right proportion of time correctly? Sometimes I have self-doubts about me being a good mum. I may be too ambitious to try to have it all. Right now, I am still trying to find a balance. I am sure eventually I will get there. Wish me luck.

What do I hope my kids to remember about me?

I just finished 2 books by Khaled Hosseini, Kite Runner and And the Mountains Echoed. In the stories, there were many reminiscences of childhood memories as the characters grew up to adulthood and aged. Everything that shapes a person ties back to his childhood memories and his growing up experiences. I think of myself and wonder what kind of memories will my kids grow up remembering fondly of or on the flip side, what memories they wish not to surface again.

When my kids were young, we were much more carefree and ventured more outdoors and nature. There were so many new experiences and new places to go. There were no or minimal homework and tests. No expectations too. The kids enjoyed everywhere we took them to. All things were considered fun and funny. Things were simpler. I wonder if they would look back and remember those happy days.

Now that the kids are grown up, opportunities to go outdoors for play reduced dramatically. Despite the fact that our kids have no tuition and more free time than most other kids, we certainly do not go for as much outdoor play as before. 2 days of weekend are spent on art class, soccer class, piano class, homework and tests revision. Any leftover time is spent reading, watching TV, groceries shopping, running errands and meal times with grandparents or cousins. I wonder what memories would the kids remember of these weekends. Hopefully not the homework and thronging between classes. It will be good if they remember the family time, the sleepover at grandma’s, dinner with cousins and grandparents.

These days, without a maid at home, I lost some precious time to doing house chores. You lose some. You gain some. I lost some precious time with the kids after work and not to mention blogging time, but the kids gain discipline and no longer take a clean house for granted. My hours after work are divided into completing minimal house chores, especially those that irritate me tremendously if not done (eg. A clean dining table and 80% clean floor), and coaching the 2 elder kids whenever they need my help and playing with the youngest. As we have implemented 930pm lights out, it practically leaves almost zero family bonding time on weeknights.

Sometimes, one of the elder kids would tell me that homework was done for that day and that would be a lucky day to play a game of monopoly together. We have no time for TV after dinner. I am often spotted walking briskly from the dining table to the sink and back while one ear hearing some school matters from one child with the other ear hearing some escalating squabbles and anticipating my involvement. I am mostly not looking at the speaking child’s eyes when he/she talks. I wish I have more ears, more eyes, to really listen. I am a bad role model in paying attention. What do my children remember of me? Mummy never listens. Mummy never stops what she is doing to pay attention to me. Oh..

I am not too sure if house chores are to be blamed entirely. I remember when I had a helper, I did not have much luxury to look the kids in the eyes when they talk. The problem must be with me. It is a bad habit of mine to look out for something to do and forever busying myself like a headless fly, obsessed with completing chores perfectly before going on to be with the children. Should I return one night and do nothing about house chores and really do nothing and only sit and listen to each and every child when he talks? Maybe this will change the way of life I have been so tiredly accustomed to. Maybe finally, I get to be carpe diem. I may even get to spend more time with each and every child. Surely, I do not want the kids to remember me as a tired, unsmiling mother who is forever in a rush.

Periodically, one child acts up, melts down and for some time, becomes the attention seeking child. My first thought goes to blame myself for not spending more time with this child, causing him/her to undo all expected good behaviour we have painstakingly taught them. Just recently, I tried to allocate 20 minutes of uninterrupted time with every child each night. I want them to know that Mummy cares for them and am interested in all that happen in school. It is not easy to implement this when I have so little time for everything. But certainly spending 1-1 time with my children deserves priority over any other chores. I shall update you how it goes with this change.

One friend of mine comments that I had not once mentioned about spending time with my husband whenever I lament about having not enough time spent with the family. I guess he is the most neglected of all. He hardly complains although I should not take things for granted. I realise that we can never assume that there will be lots of time in future when our nest is empty to think about spending more time with our spouse. Live in the moment because we never know what will happen tomorrow or the next minute. I wonder how people allocate time for all family members. Perhaps I am too structured. Perhaps I harp too much on spending time with kids. Perhaps I am too hard up on myself. Perhaps life is actually very simple: just let go, relax and enjoy family bliss. The formula could be really no formula at all.

Today, I shall return home, forget about the house chores and connect, relax and walk into each child’s room to spend uninterrupted minutes before I take a book to read or play a game with any child who is free to entertain me. I want my kids to remember that their working mother does return home to have a relax evening, who is ever ready to look them in the eyes and really connects with them. Especially to my girl, I want her to know that a working mother does not need to slog at house chores after work. She can have happy and relax moments even when she is a mother of 3.

Crossing to 2018 – Discovering Myself

2017 is over and it had been a terribly busy and hectic year. However, that also means that I have discovered many things about myself that I never noticed about and all these good and bad experiences will be added to the many grandma stories to be told to the kids and grandkids in future. Haha, I think and prep myself far ahead, don’t I?

Through various opportunities, I have discovered some aspects of myself which I never knew about. I discovered my capabilities. I discovered my strengths. I discovered my weaknesses. I discovered my likes. I discovered my dislikes.

You may be laughing at me about me knowing so little about myself at this mid-life period. I guess, when someone is approaching 40s, there are some new things you learnt along the way and internalised to be your abilities and interests and some things that you know very well whether you are confident enough to accept or reject.

Discovering Myself At Work
The first time I heard someone tell me that I have more confidence than I know about it, I laughed it away. And that person insisted it was my blind spot. And after that, I begin to take the compliment seriously. It was not just one person, but more people telling it to me in one way or another. Perhaps, as an Asian, it is humble to not acknowledge your strengths and as a result, I have never knew myself exuding so much confidence that it actually became threats to others in the workplace. It is a good feeling to know that I am portraying myself as a confident person and my first thought goes to the kids’ impression of me. It will be good that they see their mummy as a confident woman, especially to my girl. I hope I am a smart, intelligent and confident woman whom she would like to role model after.

Unfortunately, in workplace, things may not be rosy as a result of this confidence I have. I brushed feathers, caused anxiety and ended up with sour relations with a handful. But, I also gained compliments, affirmation and forged friendships with others. As much as I try to stay low profile, I seem to remain in the bad books of some. I cannot help it and hence have to live with it. All these make me stronger and gave me many opportunities to hone my EQ skills. I think I am thankful for people who make me stronger albeit in unpleasant ways. Even at such unwelcome situations, I am glad that I find positive takeaways!

Discovering Myself as a Teacher
If you had followed our PSLE journey, I had been a tutor to my Missy and brought up all her subjects by 2 grades from P6 SA1 to PSLE. I will not take all the credit to myself because without a cooperative Missy, this could not have happened.

Teaching Missy has taught me lots of things. It made me more patient than ever, but still there is room to improve. It proved to me that I was able to put my mind to do something well against all odds and criticism as long as I believe in myself. Believing in oneself is powerful. Just like what I always tell my kids: If you think you are able to do it, you can. Your mind can control your capability as long as you set your mind to do it.

So, it was a hectic PSLE year that sees me learn the P6 syllabus, craft revision and teaching methods and then teach at the same time within a short 9 months period. Nothing can be achieved if not for the strong support of my family together with the strong belief in me from my hub and kids that gave me the strength to bite the bullet to success. It was really unbelievable now that I look back at the past year.

Discovering Myself Through House Chores
Ever since my helper went back for good, we have been helperless for 2 months. Despite everyone’s well-meant advice that I should continue to employ another helper for my sanity, I guess I was stubborn enough to decide otherwise. Just like my insistence on not employing tutors for my kids, I was determined that I can do the house chores together with my kids, and for long term. After all, it was not so long ago that we never had helpers till 3 years back. Now that the kids are all 3 years older, it should be rightfully easier than before.

Doing house chores really does help in strengthening one’s health. I feel it is true! I have been much busier at home doing lots of chores on my own. I feel I am being brought out of my comfort zone and forced to yield my physical and mental strength to ensure our household is run on clockwork.

Some things have to be sacrificed like lesser me-time and blogging time. I am forced to juggle work, household, quality time with kids, me-time and self-care at the same time. I am still fine-tuning and learning. I believe without a helper, it benefits everyone in the family. The kids are so much more independent than before! Through their help, I discovered their characters too. Each has his/her own strengths and weaknesses. I am able to use the opportunity to correct bad habits and train independence. All these are intangibles that, I am glad, come at the right time while the kids can still be moulded and trained. It is worth it to sacrifice my hardship to gain all these!

Discovering My Likes
I was never a bookworm when I was young. Somehow, starting from 2 years back, I began to enjoy reading. Becoming a parent has also opened the door wide to reading classics I missed in my childhood and rejuvenates my interest in books from the past. This year, I discovered the gems of Classics and I am happy to have read 11 books in 2017 😃

1) Beyond The Tiger Mom by Maya Thiagarajan
2) The Call of The Wild by Jack London
3) The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
4) Girls Uninterrupted by Tanith Carey
5) To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
6) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
7) How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn
8) Screens and Teens by Kathy Koch
9) Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
10) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
11) Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

I make it a point to jot down each book that I read. I try to introduce good books to the kids too. I hope they will gain their interest in books eventually. Now, they are reading books slowly, and need prompting now and then. I believe one day they will find a whole wide world in books when they find their reading interest!

Discovering My Family
2017 is a year of relationship building. We have lots of opportunities to forge stronger ties through hosting dinners and attending family dinners regularly. At the crossing of 2017 to 2018, all of us have love for one another! I am talking about our parents, in-laws, siblings, siblings-in-laws and siblings’ kids. I can’t be happier with our family bliss. Family is really everything that we need in life. Building good relationships with every family member is not easy at all. It takes everyone’s magnanimity and open hearts to accept one another’s differences and faults. It takes everyone to look beyond misunderstandings and doubts. It takes everyone’s efforts to meet and create opportunities for get-togethers. I hope that we can continue to enjoy such family harmony into 2018 and beyond!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone’s heart is filled with love and magnanimity too!

Holding It Together as a FTWM of 3 Kids Without A Maid

To be honest, I was scared counting down to maidless days. After enjoying life without the endless house chores, the thought of going back to doing them worried me. It is not so much as in whether I will be able to cope, it is more about losing the quality time with the kids, if I will step into the house after work with a foul mood seeing a messy house and stepping on oily, sticky floors. I had been through that phase and it was not something I wish to reminisce about. I remember that each time when I came home from work, as I stood at the doorway and looked into the house, my mind is full of frustrations and naggings about school shoes strewn about, toys littered around, beds unmade, pyjamas on the sofa, etc. And the next thing was me picking up toys with my handbag still on my shoulder, and kneeling down to mop the floor in my work clothes. I needed to tidy up the house in a jiffy in order to feel good for the evening. Hence, the kids got the worst of me and it was nothing proud at all.

Actually those days were only 3 years ago before I decided to employ a helper. I had then changed job and work took up much of my time. With an extra pair of hands, I was able to concentrate on work and was happy that I could play with the kids after work, free of house chores. Having a helper also means that I could have my couple nights out or girlfriends nights out in peace. I could sneak out for late night supper with my hub. I freed my caregiver who is my Father-in-law from cooking as well. He was able to relax with his grandchildren instead of making time for cooking chores. In the crucial year of PSLE this year, my helper was a great help to ensure that my revision with Missy was efficient. With her around, I did not have to worry about other distractions and house chores. All was good till my helper decided to get married and ended her contract with us and we decided not to employ another one.

Why do I insist on Not Hiring Another Helper?

You would have asked me why I did not hire another helper. The main reason is a request from Missy. She asked not to have a new helper simply because she does not want to attach feelings to another helper and be disappointed and sad when she leaves. She also insisted that she will be able to help out in the house. I debated for a long time with myself and my hub about giving what Missy wants versus what I WANT. I know that with a helper, everyone has more of my time and I need not slog on my leisure hours. But I had to give Missy a chance to show that she is capable of helping out. Besides, it is time that the kids learn responsibility and independence without help. Weighing the pros and cons, the cons of not hiring a helper actually outnumbered the pros. Still, we bite the bullet and go maidless.

Weeding Out Bad Habits From the Kids

For those with helpers will know that whenever the helper goes out on her off day, the house will be messy in less than an hour. Cups piled up in the sink, toys and books all over and floors got dirtier faster too. We will know that these will miraculously be tidied and cleaned by night time and nobody bothers to even wash a cup. Hence, on the first few days after my helper left, my house is in complete mess. How things operate in the house have to change, so I thought it is time to start educating the kids. Here are some basic things that we want the kids to chip in to help and learn a thing or two.

Ensure pyjamas and home clothes are worn at least twice before they go into the laundry basket. I have madness trying to clear the house loads everyday!
The kids help to fold the clothes and put back into their wardrobe. Even simple things like folding clothes can learn a trick or two. I am happy to teach them how to fold it nicely and straighten out creases such that ironing is not needed for clothes worn at home. This is also for them to see how many sets of clothes they conveniently throw into the laundry basket and with the repercussions of this act happen to be more washing, drying, folding and keeping.
The kids have to wipe all traces of crumbs and spills. It helps that my youngest spilled some honey water near our bedroom door and everyone saw that the ants infested the sleeping area because the spills were not wiped thoroughly. This also reinforced to them the long nagged rule on no food and drinks in the bedroom.
The kids have a chance to learn how to iron their own clothes. Their grandma came by and she had a fun time teaching them how to iron and the kids were all impressed by my mum’s efficient and time-saving method of ironing clothes.
The kids learn how to hand-wash clothes. It may seem common sense to us adults, but if the kids had never done a chore, they may not know where to start and how to do it the right way.
The kids have to make their own beds every morning and hang their pyjamas in the right places.
The hanging of towels has long been a persistent nagging item, hence now, I bring out hangers and designate a place for them to hang.
Toilet manners – being considerate for the next person who uses the toilet. The kids were taught to lift up the toilet seat before or after use depending on the who is using. This prevents ammonia from filling the toilet with pee on the seats and such.
Cooking – the kids gain many opportunities to learn cooking from me. Such life skills are better taught to the kids than to the helper.

There are more bad habits that I am trying to discover and correcting them one by one now that I can see the consequences so clearly.

Seeing the Difference in the Kids

The helper could not have left at a better time. Right now is the school holidays and all the 3 kids have many chances to hone their house chore skills. There are many times I was pleasantly surprised by their good gestures to keep the house clean.

One day when I came home from work, I saw that the floor was sparkling clean. All the shoes were neatly placed, toys were kept properly and my youngest pulled my hand excitedly to bring me to his room. On the cupboard beside his bed was a set of pyjamas neatly hanged onto the hanger. He was so proud of it and went on to show me his bed which he made his bed with blankets folded nicely too. Guess who initiated the clean up? It was none other than Missy. I think she does a better job in delegating house chores to her 2 younger brothers than I do! No wonder they say that having a girl as the eldest child is the best!

On another day, Missy saw that I was very tired and still had to wash some dishes in the sink. The moment I stepped out of the kitchen to do some other chores, I heard her wash the dishes without any prompting. It was a simple gesture, but it warmed my heart very much. If we still had a helper, I will not see this thoughtful side of her.

I know that the kids are showing their love in one way or another through helping out in the house. It warmed my heart and I am really blessed to have these children. Before my helper left, I wanted to draft a time-table for them on designating house chores. I never got around to working out this time-table. Surprisingly, it is still working fine in our house. Half the time I need any help, all I have to do is to assign and one kid or another will come helping. Of course the other half of the time falls to deaf ears especially when they are playing or engaging in some activities or if they say “Later”, I will still end up doing it because it is so much easier and faster to do them myself. Nevertheless, with 3 extra pairs of hands, most of the time, the house chores can be done in 1/3 of the time!

Holding It Together as a FTWM

So, as far as it goes, things are still working out fine without a helper. I have also constantly reminded myself not to lose my cool or get into a bad mood over house chores. I consciously kept calm and tell myself that it is alright to have a dirty and untidy house. I start to get use to it by taking everything slowly and portion out the things I want to do, like packing the shelves or cleaning a room one day at a time. The last thing I want to do is to spoil everybody’s mood or sacrifice bonding time because I want everything to be neat and clean and perfect.

I admit that at times, I feel tired trying to hold everything together.

Dealing with house chores can really get on one’s nerves because the chores are never-ending and the satisfaction of clearing them does not last more than 1 day. Everyday is a new day and it also means that a refreshed set of house chores are waiting to be done!

For a full time working mum, it is not easy to stop all stress and fatigue at the door and turn on smiles and happy mood into the house at the end of a work day. The house chores have to be managed on top of managing the kids, dealing with tantrums, educating little ones and still leave time for play and bonding. I always say workplace should value mums because if they can multi-task so well in the house, they can definitely do a good job at work.

I am still fine-tuning how to change my mindset on the threshhold of cleanliness and not let house chores take up my time with the kids. I can feel the stress and fatigue affecting my interaction with people too. Plus the lack of sleep and working late nights that make me function a little off balance. I lost my cool with the kids a couple of times. I find myself offending many people around me with tactless statements that mean no harm. I am trying to hold everything together in the house as well as social life, work life and family life. I am not a superwoman, just a normal person juggling many balls on hand and trying to find a good balance.

I may not have a clean home, but I certainly treasure a happy home. Now that I see the kids are learning responsibility, independence and thoughtfulness to others, I think we made a right decision to go maidless and I hope that we can do this in the long run together.