Family Archives - Kids 'R' Simple

If I could turn back the clock, I would still choose family over career

It has been 14 years as a Full-Time Working Mum (FTWM).

At home, in these 14 years, I see my children grow up and see the change in my role as a mother from a hands-on to a gradual hands-off one. I used to decide everything that my kids do but as the years go by, I need to step back at times to respect their decisions and let them be independent.

At work, in contrast, I do not see myself grow much in these 14 years. My teammates, the younger generation, in their early thirties, are probably more IT savvy, more knowledgeable, and likely having a higher pay than me.

One thing sets us apart in most cases. At the age of 30, I have 2 young kids and stagnant in career while they have no kids and prospering in their career.

As someone who just turned 40 this year, I feel lost at times at this juncture. Lost in how to chase back lost time and work up the career ladder and salary scale. At the peak age of mid-twenties, I chose to get married and had kids in my prime child-bearing years, while many of my friends used their prime years to focus on their career and are financially stable before they start a family.

There is no right or wrong route to take and I am not regretting my actions. I am a mum of 3 at the age of 33. My 2 kids are now teenagers and my youngest is in primary school. I take pride that I do look like sisters posing beside my daughter. I am happy that I have lots of opportunity to witness my kids’ growing up milestones, bring them out frequently, do art and craft activities with them, cook meals and bake cake together, be there at competitions, volunteer in school events, all the while as a FTWM. I just needed to plan and take time off to do all these without too much work stress or night conference calls, business travels bothering me. The tradeoff is having my career take a backseat.

I do think of the opposite route and wonder if I were to choose career first and focus on starting a family later, would I be able to provide a better life for my children? Would I now be a senior position in the company? Would I have provided my children with a happy childhood like they had and still having now? Children’s basic needs are really a warm shelter and lots of love and attention from parents. Would more money make a positive difference to these basic needs?

At this moment in my life, I have more time on my hands. I find renewed energy at age 40. I start to read more books, to arm myself with knowledge. I am inspired by women who have juggled family and career and reaching where they are right now. I am active at work. I join network groups to learn from experienced people and to bounce new ideas. I sign myself up as a trainer in the company, something that I have never done but I see many benefits to put myself up there to train people. I want to build confidence. I volunteer my time to help out events to know more people and for fun. I join exercise classes to get fit as well as network with other people with the same interest. I lead a Netball club to hone my leadership skills. I lunch with different people every day to socialise and mutually motivate each other at work and in personal life. At this age, I have experiences to share, especially in parenting. I connect with many mums and often guide younger parents who face parenting issues which I had been there before.

I believe that with increased confidence and the eager attitude for learning, I would be able to chase lost time in my career eventually. I may take a longer path than others, but it is really the journey that is important.

10 years later, if my 25-year-old daughter were to ask me for advice between family and career, I would share my experience with her and let her heart decide. I know that if I could turn back the clock, I would still choose family over career. The prime years of spending precious time with my children, as a result of career taking a backseat, will never be quite the same if I had reversed the sequence. A woman’s prime years will always be a struggle to how best they could be spent. Whatever decision a woman may have, do not look back. There will always be tradeoffs and just focus on what’s ahead of you.

Wrapping Up 2018 – Relationship Matters

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few days time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

Each time I write about my year-end reflections, I am always in a mix of feelings. I am happy and contented for things that go well and everyone I love is healthy and close-knitted. Perhaps even a little happy because anything that doesn’t go well will be ending in a few hours time. The new year always seems to promise a hope of fresh start in the right direction or so I hope! On the other hand, I am also feeling a tinge of sadness because time flies so fast and I am growing older by another year. Oh, and I wonder what have I accomplished in the past 12 months?

At Work

Work is slow and stagnant for 2018. There are so many interpretations of what deems a successful person career-wise. Opportunity has not knocked on my door this year. Luck plays a part. So, this year I have no such luck. But in terms of EQ (Emotional Quotient), I gained a fair bit. The trying times gave me plenty of practices on how to deal with difficult people and situation. It is not without tears and frustrations. I get to know myself better too. I know that I work best under stress. I work collaboratively and I love working with people! To sum up my learning at work: There is always a positive takeaway in the worst of situations and for me, gaining higher EQ is my greatest asset for this year.

At Home – House chores

House chores reflections sound weird. But ever since I am maidless for a year, I admit that sometimes I wish that I still have an extra pair of hands. I am not a supermum. I am tired when I come home from work and the last thing I want to do is really NOT having to wash dishes and clean up the house. I want to relax and have more time to play with the kids. But since the family decision was made to be maidless, I like to think of the positive side of doing the chores together with the kids. Apart from the many benefits I had shared about going maidless, there are two truths to it: One is that my kids do help out, the other truth is that the kids are humans and being humans, they have their moods and preference to do chores at their own time and pace. I cannot expect them to do at beck and call every single time or expect them to help out automatically all the time. That leads me to do most of the chores simply because I want the chores to be done quickly and it is easier to do it myself than to nag at others to complete the same thing.

For a year now, we do have some sort of routine. Not perfect, but good on some days. The kids learnt to be more independent and certainly no chance to rely on a maid to pick up after them. These are good survival skills and self-reliant skills that will stay with them forever. I have told my kids, I don’t want them to have the excuse of saying, “My mum did not teach me how to wash clothes or mop the floor!”

Missy at School

For the past year, Missy grew taller, smarter, and gained lots of leadership skills. I have kind of sum up her learning in her neighbourhood Secondary School here. She has yet to give me much disciplinary problems as with teen-hood although I can see some healthy signs of rebellion coming up. Does the word healthy and rebellious even exist in the same sentence? Yes, I believe some healthy rebellious behaviour is part of growing up and emerging character traits. It provides opportunities to tread on turbulent waters and learn. When the time comes, I hope I will be a cool mum to handle her growing up pains and challenges. After all, she is a kind and sensible girl, and I hope I will be a kind and sensible mum to go through this growing up phase with her patiently.

No. 2 at School

No. 2 proved to be paying attention and learning well in class and hence, lessen much home learning burden on both of us. However, there were quite many conflicts between us on tackling middle-child syndrome, my overly and unnecessary concern and tussle over his homework and nagging. It drains my energy and strains our relationship. I need to let go and trust him to take charge of his learning. It irritates me when I see that he is always so relaxed while all his friends are not. Come the new year will be his PSLE year. Should I let go or be concerned? I need to trust No. 2 more. It certainly sounds like I am the problem child here. How do I let go??

No. 3 at School

This year marks the end of pre-school days for my youngest! Next year on, we will have 3 school-going kids. Routine will change again. No. 3 develops lots of social skills in school. He is not reserved anymore and from the look of it, too nice to everyone. This is what makes him so endearing too. I hope no one abuses his trust and bullies him in Primary School. Even if he encounters bullies, it will be good exposure to toughen him up from the experiences. No. 3 is a very independent kid who picks up after himself. We are very impressed! I hope he stays such a darling and makes many friends in school.

Family Trips

We have been to 2 family trips and 3 staycations this year. We went to Bali with the kids and went to Taiwan in our group of nine with parents, in-laws and kids. We make it a point to travel with our parents together simply because every one of us looks forward to our yearly trip. Family trips are always full of jokes and laughter! We might be richer without this annual huge travel expenditure, but Kel and I would not trade more money in the bank for the experiences of bringing our parents and kids to see the world together. How many more years can we bring everyone to travel together? While our parents are still healthy and able to travel, and our kids are still eager to follow us around, we will be spending within our means to keep this highly anticipated family travel as long as we can.

Friends

In this year alone, I form many new friendships, mainly in my company. That is pretty amazing to find friends beyond work. My dinner appointments are quite fully packed as a result. The kids are older now and are able to stay home for a few hours without me. They know that Mummy stays in touch with friends although they are not too happy about home alone in the evening. Hence, I try to keep the weekends free just for family time.

We have hosted less dinners in our house since the maid left. Partly because I am too tired to clean up till the wee hours. But some traditional hosting will not be forgone and are highly anticipated. Our annual Christmas cum New Year party at our house with my best friend’s family is one of the highlights of the year. This year, Kel cooked his famous Hokkien mee, acclaimed to be the best in Singapore by almost everyone who had tried and he made super crispy roast pork. To top it up, we had Mao Shan Wang durians delivered to our house! So convenient and of premium quality, check here for their service if you need a durian fix or feast! (Quote “kidsrsimple” for a $7 off your first order!)

Myself and the coming big 4

Heyhey! I was not planning to reveal my age! But somehow I feel that the big 4-0 is a gracious age to acknowledge proudly. At every stage, there is some focus in life. At my current stage of life, relationship matters most to me. Be it family, friends, marriage, or myself, I treasure dearly. Close knitted family and friends make me complete. Maintaining good relationship with all my family, extended family and friends, is perhaps, my most accomplished and proud thing that I have done right. It takes effort, patience, love and a big heart to bring the family close together. It is certainly not just my individual efforts, it requires everyone’s open heart to achieve it.

I have started to practise Gratitude. Each night, I will spend 5 minutes to jot down what I am grateful for that day. It helps me to feel and think positively and has benefited me in many ways. I am using the mobile app called 365 Gratitude. If you have not tried this, you should.

Healthwise, I am keeping up with some regular exercise every week – Pilates and Kickboxing. I hope to resume jogging when my new routine in the new school year is more settled. So currently, I try to clock my 10,000 steps everyday by walking to and fro the MRT station and climbing stairs! The Healthy 365 app from HPB is really not bad in motivating me with small treats and games.

Reading, to me, is a long lost love. I am just too happy to have found it again. This year I have read 8 books. Not as many as I had wanted but good to be keeping it up! Here is my booklist of 2018:

Kite Runner – by Khaled Hosseini
And the Mountains Echoed – by Khaled Hosseini
Every Last Lie – by Mary Kubica
Opening the Door of Your Heart – by Ajahn Brahm
The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking – by Chris Anderson
Kiss Kiss – by Roald Dahl
The Good Girl – by Mary Kubica
A Place for Us – by Fatima Farheen Mirza

This sums up my 2018 year: A normal, mundane life of a working mum 🙂

Happy New Year 2019 to my family, friends and my dear readers! Hope the new year will be a great one for everyone!

Safari Zoo Run 2016 – Our First Family Run

Do you know that there were about 100 race/run/walk events in Singapore last year? It is amazing so many people are interested in mass running or walking, be it competitive or not. Many of these races are organized for a good cause and the funds collected for charity or some meaningful purpose. Some are organized to raise awareness.

I do admit that I am also caught up in this running fever after having participated in GE Women Run for the past 2 years. My kids had participated in Cold Storage Run last year and so far we have not participated in a family run yet. But soon we will be!!

Out of so many race events happening in a year, there are a few which I would really love to join. One of them has to be the Safari Zoo Run! So this year, we are going to run as a family in our favourite attraction! Yes, we will be running in the zoo! With all the animals looking at us, now who will be the spectators??? LOL!

Why do we choose the Safari Zoo Run?
Well, first, we have very fond memories of each and every visit to the zoo. And now that we are going to run in this place will make it all the more memorable!

Secondly, we will be running past the lions, rhinoceros, polar bears, etc and that makes it such a unique and interesting experience compared to running on urban landscape.

Thirdly, it has a family category of 2.5km which is not too short nor too long for all of us newbies in race events. Not all runs have a family category which includes participation for my 4 year old.

Fourthly, I like the objective of the Safari Zoo Run which is to encourage family bonding and raise awareness on wildlife conservation. Besides, we are running for a good cause too as this run is held yearly to commemorate Singapore Zoo’s most well-loved matriarch, Ah Meng the Sumatran Orang Utan, who died of old age in February 2008. A portion of this year’s race proceeds will go towards funding the conservatory efforts of Singapore Zoo and Wildlife Reserves Singapore. The kids will be pleased to know that their participation will be helping the animals.

Lastly, we are attracted by the goodies of the run! And what are the entitlement?

Entitlement for every runner:
1. A specially designed T-Shirt for every runner

zoo-run-race-tee
2. Super cute medals for each category Continue reading “Safari Zoo Run 2016 – Our First Family Run”

7 most likely sins of Harassed parents

If saving time by being efficient in everything you do as a mum (or even dad) is your new year resolution, this book is for you.
“How to be an Amazing Mum When You Just Don’t have the Time” by Tanith Carey is just what I need now when I JUST DON’T HAVE THE TIME for EVERYTHING.

How to be an Amazing Mum if You Just Don’t Have the Time by Tanith Carey

I chanced upon this book in the community library. In this book, there are many good tips in saving time from how to handle your children, leave the house on time, to how to put on make up in minimal time and yet look good!

One of the best advice the author gave and I feel I must share to all parents feeling the same way, was how she shared the 7 most likely sins of Harassed Parents. These sins resonate so well with me, I had better remember not to fall into these traps. (Sentences in Italics are direct extractions from the book)

1) Shouting to Get Kids to do Things
Hey, I am surely guilty of this one. Continue reading “7 most likely sins of Harassed parents”

How to survive a family travel with young children and elders

Travel

My husband and I have been travelling with our children and our parents since we have 2 kids 5 years ago.

We have travelled in large groups including with extended families to Hong Kong, Taiwan, Phuket, Cruise, Malaysia, Australia and the furthest is Sweden.

Whenever friends tell me that they worry about travelling with young children or even worry about giving up freedom of travelling after having kids, I find that their worries are rather unfounded. What you really need is to have a positive mindset and some good planning, and things will just work out naturally. There is really nothing big to fret upon. Continue reading “How to survive a family travel with young children and elders”