responsibility Archives - Kids 'R' Simple

Holding It Together as a FTWM of 3 Kids Without A Maid

To be honest, I was scared counting down to maidless days. After enjoying life without the endless house chores, the thought of going back to doing them worried me. It is not so much as in whether I will be able to cope, it is more about losing the quality time with the kids, if I will step into the house after work with a foul mood seeing a messy house and stepping on oily, sticky floors. I had been through that phase and it was not something I wish to reminisce about. I remember that each time when I came home from work, as I stood at the doorway and looked into the house, my mind is full of frustrations and naggings about school shoes strewn about, toys littered around, beds unmade, pyjamas on the sofa, etc. And the next thing was me picking up toys with my handbag still on my shoulder, and kneeling down to mop the floor in my work clothes. I needed to tidy up the house in a jiffy in order to feel good for the evening. Hence, the kids got the worst of me and it was nothing proud at all.

Actually those days were only 3 years ago before I decided to employ a helper. I had then changed job and work took up much of my time. With an extra pair of hands, I was able to concentrate on work and was happy that I could play with the kids after work, free of house chores. Having a helper also means that I could have my couple nights out or girlfriends nights out in peace. I could sneak out for late night supper with my hub. I freed my caregiver who is my Father-in-law from cooking as well. He was able to relax with his grandchildren instead of making time for cooking chores. In the crucial year of PSLE this year, my helper was a great help to ensure that my revision with Missy was efficient. With her around, I did not have to worry about other distractions and house chores. All was good till my helper decided to get married and ended her contract with us and we decided not to employ another one.

Why do I insist on Not Hiring Another Helper?

You would have asked me why I did not hire another helper. The main reason is a request from Missy. She asked not to have a new helper simply because she does not want to attach feelings to another helper and be disappointed and sad when she leaves. She also insisted that she will be able to help out in the house. I debated for a long time with myself and my hub about giving what Missy wants versus what I WANT. I know that with a helper, everyone has more of my time and I need not slog on my leisure hours. But I had to give Missy a chance to show that she is capable of helping out. Besides, it is time that the kids learn responsibility and independence without help. Weighing the pros and cons, the cons of not hiring a helper actually outnumbered the pros. Still, we bite the bullet and go maidless.

Weeding Out Bad Habits From the Kids

For those with helpers will know that whenever the helper goes out on her off day, the house will be messy in less than an hour. Cups piled up in the sink, toys and books all over and floors got dirtier faster too. We will know that these will miraculously be tidied and cleaned by night time and nobody bothers to even wash a cup. Hence, on the first few days after my helper left, my house is in complete mess. How things operate in the house have to change, so I thought it is time to start educating the kids. Here are some basic things that we want the kids to chip in to help and learn a thing or two.

Ensure pyjamas and home clothes are worn at least twice before they go into the laundry basket. I have madness trying to clear the house loads everyday!
The kids help to fold the clothes and put back into their wardrobe. Even simple things like folding clothes can learn a trick or two. I am happy to teach them how to fold it nicely and straighten out creases such that ironing is not needed for clothes worn at home. This is also for them to see how many sets of clothes they conveniently throw into the laundry basket and with the repercussions of this act happen to be more washing, drying, folding and keeping.
The kids have to wipe all traces of crumbs and spills. It helps that my youngest spilled some honey water near our bedroom door and everyone saw that the ants infested the sleeping area because the spills were not wiped thoroughly. This also reinforced to them the long nagged rule on no food and drinks in the bedroom.
The kids have a chance to learn how to iron their own clothes. Their grandma came by and she had a fun time teaching them how to iron and the kids were all impressed by my mum’s efficient and time-saving method of ironing clothes.
The kids learn how to hand-wash clothes. It may seem common sense to us adults, but if the kids had never done a chore, they may not know where to start and how to do it the right way.
The kids have to make their own beds every morning and hang their pyjamas in the right places.
The hanging of towels has long been a persistent nagging item, hence now, I bring out hangers and designate a place for them to hang.
Toilet manners – being considerate for the next person who uses the toilet. The kids were taught to lift up the toilet seat before or after use depending on the who is using. This prevents ammonia from filling the toilet with pee on the seats and such.
Cooking – the kids gain many opportunities to learn cooking from me. Such life skills are better taught to the kids than to the helper.

There are more bad habits that I am trying to discover and correcting them one by one now that I can see the consequences so clearly.

Seeing the Difference in the Kids

The helper could not have left at a better time. Right now is the school holidays and all the 3 kids have many chances to hone their house chore skills. There are many times I was pleasantly surprised by their good gestures to keep the house clean.

One day when I came home from work, I saw that the floor was sparkling clean. All the shoes were neatly placed, toys were kept properly and my youngest pulled my hand excitedly to bring me to his room. On the cupboard beside his bed was a set of pyjamas neatly hanged onto the hanger. He was so proud of it and went on to show me his bed which he made his bed with blankets folded nicely too. Guess who initiated the clean up? It was none other than Missy. I think she does a better job in delegating house chores to her 2 younger brothers than I do! No wonder they say that having a girl as the eldest child is the best!

On another day, Missy saw that I was very tired and still had to wash some dishes in the sink. The moment I stepped out of the kitchen to do some other chores, I heard her wash the dishes without any prompting. It was a simple gesture, but it warmed my heart very much. If we still had a helper, I will not see this thoughtful side of her.

I know that the kids are showing their love in one way or another through helping out in the house. It warmed my heart and I am really blessed to have these children. Before my helper left, I wanted to draft a time-table for them on designating house chores. I never got around to working out this time-table. Surprisingly, it is still working fine in our house. Half the time I need any help, all I have to do is to assign and one kid or another will come helping. Of course the other half of the time falls to deaf ears especially when they are playing or engaging in some activities or if they say “Later”, I will still end up doing it because it is so much easier and faster to do them myself. Nevertheless, with 3 extra pairs of hands, most of the time, the house chores can be done in 1/3 of the time!

Holding It Together as a FTWM

So, as far as it goes, things are still working out fine without a helper. I have also constantly reminded myself not to lose my cool or get into a bad mood over house chores. I consciously kept calm and tell myself that it is alright to have a dirty and untidy house. I start to get use to it by taking everything slowly and portion out the things I want to do, like packing the shelves or cleaning a room one day at a time. The last thing I want to do is to spoil everybody’s mood or sacrifice bonding time because I want everything to be neat and clean and perfect.

I admit that at times, I feel tired trying to hold everything together.

Dealing with house chores can really get on one’s nerves because the chores are never-ending and the satisfaction of clearing them does not last more than 1 day. Everyday is a new day and it also means that a refreshed set of house chores are waiting to be done!

For a full time working mum, it is not easy to stop all stress and fatigue at the door and turn on smiles and happy mood into the house at the end of a work day. The house chores have to be managed on top of managing the kids, dealing with tantrums, educating little ones and still leave time for play and bonding. I always say workplace should value mums because if they can multi-task so well in the house, they can definitely do a good job at work.

I am still fine-tuning how to change my mindset on the threshhold of cleanliness and not let house chores take up my time with the kids. I can feel the stress and fatigue affecting my interaction with people too. Plus the lack of sleep and working late nights that make me function a little off balance. I lost my cool with the kids a couple of times. I find myself offending many people around me with tactless statements that mean no harm. I am trying to hold everything together in the house as well as social life, work life and family life. I am not a superwoman, just a normal person juggling many balls on hand and trying to find a good balance.

I may not have a clean home, but I certainly treasure a happy home. Now that I see the kids are learning responsibility, independence and thoughtfulness to others, I think we made a right decision to go maidless and I hope that we can do this in the long run together.

Characteristics of an 8 year old and Strategies to handle them

My girl XX is soon to be 9 years old. She is a pretty young lady and baby at the same time in my eyes. Which kid does actually grow up in their parents’ eyes? Just 9 years back, she was just a cuddly cute thing in our arms and now she is 3/4 my height. She still enjoys much of everything a baby loves, yet, she has her own opinions and is starting to strike out the first step out of our protective arms. Continue reading “Characteristics of an 8 year old and Strategies to handle them”

It’s tough being a perfect role model to your kids

Kids are mirror images of their parents.

Whatever we do and however we do, our kids see, hear, digest and churn out exactly the same and often hits you in stark familiarity. Continue reading “It’s tough being a perfect role model to your kids”

Our family new addition – the pet hamster

I am never fond of animals, big or small. Never have special feelings for dogs, cats, rabbits and have never shown much interest in insects too. But after having children, I know kids, by nature will love these living things. So, I try very hard to let them understand even though I am scared of animals, I am totally supportive of their love for them. My kids love little pets, like to pat dogs and cats, feed rabbits, show much curiosity in insects and even lizards which is my number 1 fear. Kel caught one recently and kept it in a container as a learning for the kids, but he had to let it go as I was almost screaming every time I need to walk near the container.

So when XX and YH bugged me for a pet hamster, I find myself seriously thinking if I should relent this time round. Having a dog or cat is definitely a NO since I am scared of them. Also, it takes lots of commitment and responsibilities to rear one. The kids have to know that they shouldn’t be having a pet on impulse. They have to know they are responsible for taking care of the pet if they ever have one, which includes feeding, bathing and cleaning up. Getting a pet hamster might be different and everything seems much scaled down for the following reasons:

1) Hamsters mainly stay in the cage.
2) They do not run around the house and create poos or puddles that Baby YT may pick up to put into his mouth.
3) They do not need to be out for walking.
4) They do not require too much emotional handling.
5) They do not shed furs which may be a big problem if it triggers the allergic reactions in my children who have sensitive noses.
6) Maintenance is low and no grooming is needed for hamster.

With the above reasons, I asked Kel how much he thought would be the total cost of getting a hamster with its complete cage and all. “Less than $50,” was his answer. Okay, I thought, in that case, let’s go to the pet shop and get one. My kids were overjoyed when I told them we would be getting a hamster.

When we reached the pet shop, XX and YH were both taken by a winter white breed. One look at the price tag showed $18. Well, luckily they did not choose the one that cost $50. Next, we went on to search for a cage. We chose a $20+ cage and were to be told by the sales person that cage was for travelling only. Does anyone actually TRAVEL around with a hamster?? He went on to explain our hamster needed a bigger one so as not to feel stressed. STRESSED!!!??? It never occured to Kel and I that hamsters will feel stress like humans. Alright then, we took a $48 bigger purple cage. The salesperson went on to recommend a house for the hamster. A HOUSE?? Isn’t the cage already the HOUSE? Next, he introduced a vitamin in powder form to be added to the hamster food for 7 weeks. This vitamin was to stabilize the hamster as it was moving to a new home. It was important for the hamster to be stabilized so that he would not bite for no reason or fall ill. And the vitamin pack cost $20, which was more expensive than the hamster. The salesperson went on for other must-haves: the food, a bowl for its food, a chewing block for the hamster to sharpen its teeth with, water bottle, a bath tub for its bath, bath salt, and a big pack of bedding to lay on the bottom of the cage. This is supposed to cushion its fall while exercising or climbing and to absorb its poo and urine. Then came the long bill, which totaled up to $123! And I have to repeat that the hamster only costs $18. Well, I have agreed to it and started it, I have to agree with the price. And I should have done a wikihow on setting up a hamster cage prior to this.

XX and YH listening seriously on facts about Winter

Touching little Winter for the first time

So, off we went home happily (for the kids) and set up the cage for our dear hamster. The kids decided to call it “Winter“. That’s a nice name.

Although the whole hamster set up cost was $123, we think that it is still worth the investment as we can see our kids learning lots from taking care of Winter.

Winter's purple cage — Winter’s purple cage

XX and YH looking at what Winter is doing in the cage

So far, they have been feeding Winter by refilling its food and water every 1 or 2 days, change out the entire bedding of the cage once a week, transfer Winter to the bath tub with its bath salt, play with it for several minutes everyday, and sit down in front of Winter’s cage to observe its movement. They love Winter and love to see him run on the exercise station so fast that he falls off. They love to see Winter sleeping everywhere in the cage and in many many different positions you can’t imagine. However, Winter is usually active at night. XX and YH will take a peek at it if they do wake up in the night to go to the toilet. I must say Winter brought a lot of joy to the little ones.

Winter in its temporary housing while waiting for his cage to be cleaned

Ever since we have Winter, I realize XX and YH readily took up the responsibility of caring for Winter. It has been more than a month, and they never push the responsibility of bathing it, feeding it and changing the cage bedding to Kel or me. For the first few days, Winter was not active and they were disappointed, and I was sad too. We were worried it might be sick or did not like us. I would peek at it every time I pass by it. But now, Winter is active and everyone is happy.

It’s wonderful to know that your kids are capable of caring for a pet. The kids, in turn, love the trust we give them by getting them a pet hamster. Kel and I are just too happy our kids are learning an enjoyable lesson in responsibility.

What’s your experience in having a pet? Was it a good learning for your kids?

I want my kids to experience house chores now

My sister-in-law told me that she ironed her clothes when she was only five years old. She was brought up in a family of 5 children.

Hence, every time I iron clothes, I would think of her ironing when she was my daughter’s age. Even though I do not need ironing help from my kids, I would still think if I should expose her to ironing at such a young age. Will she be able to handle the heat, the ironing strokes, the weight of the iron, etc?

However, I know young kids love to help out around the house. And I shall let them handle some simple chores so as to expose them to how things are being cleaned, wiped, mopped, swept, washed, and many others. It will serve as a skill exposure as well as fun learning for them.

So far, I have let them help out in the below chores which I think they are able to handle well:

1) Sweep the floor

They have helped to sweep the floor around the house. The first few times are more of sweeping the dust AROUND the house rather than into the dustpan.

Even if some things do go into the dustpan, they seldom end up correctly into the bin. You just have to teach them patiently and sweep thoroughly once again when they are asleep.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

2) Wash the dishes

You have to separate out the lighter bowls and cutlery for them to wash. They may not be ready to handle the heavy pots and pans right now.

The idea is to let them try out how to dispense the detergent onto the dish sponge. Next, spread the detergent on the surface of the sponge evenly. Then apply onto the dishes on all surfaces including the exterior of the bowls (this step they will be very thorough and can easily soap for more than a minute for a small bowl). After that, they will wash the bowl under the tap, with one hand still holding the soapy sponge. That tickles me as I have not expected them to still hold onto the soapy sponge when rinsing the dishes.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

3) Wash the teddies

I let my kids help to wash their own teddies and their favourite bolsters.

They put in the soap, on the tap, learn how to wash the surface of the teddies as though they are bathing them. They get to see how dirty the soapy water is.

After which they pour away the water and rinse and squeeze a few times till there are not much bubbles left. To speed up the drying, we put them into a big towel and spin dry in the washer. Finally, they helped out with the hanging of the bears and bolsters for airing under the sun.

Appropriate age: 3 years and above

4) Sewing

I believe my girl is able to handle the needle and thread at 6 years old. My boy would not be ready now.

Over the weekends, I did some animal felt craft with my kids, and when it came to the blanket stitches, I took over. As kids love to learn new things, I showed my girl how to sew the blanket stitch and let her try it out on her own. At first, she was too quick in pulling the needle and the thread came out loose. I love it that she learnt about the way to handle needle and she tried out a few stitches before she passed it back to me. So, there she gains another experience!

Appropriate age: 6 years and above

5) Cooking

There are many steps in the process of cooking. I am still not comfortable in letting my kids try out the cutting process where they have to handle knives. But the washing of vegetables, peeling, beating eggs are definitely more manageable. I have let them play around with making sushi, making jelly, putting the toppings on a pizza. You will be surprised how much they are able to help out.

Appropriate age: 4 years and above

Kids love to help, and love to try new things. There is no better time than now to let them learn while having fun.

As for ironing, I shall look into that when my girl turns 7 next year.

Do you have other simple chores for your kids too? Tell me about them!